I AM that nurse!

During my orientation to the ICU a year ago with one year already under my nursing belt, my preceptor, who I like to refer to as my "ICU Mom" today, told me, "In a year or two, you will not recognize yourself. You will be a completely different person." She usually said this to me when I was feeling scared, lacking confidence, or appearing meek and mild.

A year later, and I still feel all of those insecurities during my 12 hour shifts. But each day, I gain confidence and a new, better part of me grows.

Four years ago I started my nursing program. And I still remember that first day of clinicals.

The first time you witness an experienced RN in action, it is truly breathtaking. I distinctively remember watching her in awe; the way she moved about the room like it was second nature. Donning her gloves, drawing up a medication, assessing a patient. She could have been blindfolded and still have done the same tasks so effortlessly. I remember the way she spoke to her patients...she knew what to say and how to say it. She knew what to ask and why. She was fearless. 

I remember thinking, "Wow, someday this will be me..." Before I became a nurse, and even before I decided to pursue nursing, I would watch reality shows like, "Trauma: LIFE IN THE ER," and be completely floored by everything nurses did. They were so confident, cool, and nothing seemed to stump them. And if something did, they found ways around it and never showed if they were unsure. I used to think, I could never do what they do...

The other day while taking care of my two critical care patients, going from room to room, titrating IV medications, drawing labs from central lines, speaking with and comforting patients and families, answering the numerous interrupted phone calls from other departments, traveling with my vented patient,etc., it dawned on me...I AM that nurse. I AM that nurse who I used to look at in awe. I'm certainly no where near all of my amazing coworkers who have been working in nursing and critical care for years, even decades, but looking back, I have come a long way.

 It's funny how it just snuck up on me.

And I've realized something even more important: all nurses have fears and days when they don't feel all that confident. If any nurse told me they didn't, then I'd probably think they were lying.

Honestly, I have a long, long, long way to go  when it comes to the ICU and I don't think my preceptors words truly apply to me quite yet, but I'm getting there. Each day, I'm one step closer.

Can any nurses relate?

Coming out of hiding!

I'm alive!

I know, my posts have been so far and few between lately.

I'm not sure what's up, but I just haven't felt like posting, or perhaps, I feel like I haven't had much to post about.

 I'm worried because I literally haven't done any exercise in 2+weeks. I just wake up on my days off and have no motivation to move my body besides cleaning the house and playing with Max. Some days I even feel lethargic. Other days, lazy.

Planted catnip and flowers.

In general, this is okay, but I have a metric century ride in 2 months, so I need to find the motivation to get on the bike. Also, the temperature has dropped in the mornings and I'm disappointed in myself because I haven't gone out for a run. I looked forward to lower temperatures all summer so that I could finally run in comfortable conditions, but now? I feel like I never want to run again!!!

To me, this is sad because I had goals of wanting to get better at running, etc, but now? No motivation.
I honestly feel like this is just a phase and I will get back into it, but for now, I sit around and feel guilty for not wanting to run. I realize I should just let it be. I'm working on it! Also, I'm worried to post and say that I haven't been on the bike in 2 weeks because people donated to my Metric Century and I don't want to let anyone down:( I know I will do the ride, but I don't want to worry anyone.
-------
Besides my lack of exercise guilt, I'm mostly doing well.
On Sunday, Mirza and I went to downtown Tarpon Springs to walk the sponge docks. This place has tons of Greek restaurants. I had no intentions of even eating, but Mirza was pretty set on it. Unfortunately, we picked the wrong Greek restaurant and the food was terrible. It was all we talked about for the rest of the day, that's how bad. So bad, that we both ate less than 25% of our meal, but took a box home anyway, but THREW IT IN THE DUMPSTER WHEN WE GOT HOME.
bla.
Bad Greek food hurts me. I don't think anyone can hold a candle to Athenian Gardens. BEST Greek food ever. Their menu is amazing because they have tons of vegetarian options. That, and all of the waiters are young, male, and Greek. They are adorable. And Portobello sandwich---if Mirza orders a vegetarian meal at a restaurant on more than one occasion, then you know it's good.

Here are some photos from Sunday...

As of this month, Mirza and I have been together for 7 years and 8 months. It does and doesn't feel that long. He's the best:) When I tell people who don't know us that we've been together nearly 8 years, they all ask how come he hasn't "popped the question." Besides the fact that deep down I find this question kind of rude, the answer for those who do not know us is that Mirza is still in school working on his degree to become a music educator. Once he graduates, we both have every intention of getting married. It isn't a question  for us, just a matter of timing. But he's in school, and he needs to graduate. First things first, people. I don't see what the rush is when we both know we're going to be together.

Hey look! A post.

It's been over 2 weeks since my last post. To tell you all the truth, I just haven't been in the blogging mood lately. I'm still reading blogs, but mostly out of habit.

My time has been focused on applying for Graduate school. I got my application in for Spring 2011 and now I wait. Cross your fingers that I get in!! I'm anxious to get started on this next chapter in my career. It will take me 2-3 years, so I'll have plenty of time to get all of the critical care nursing out of my system and transition into a more primary care role, with helping people to PREVENT illnesses and manage the chronic diseases that bring them into the ICU.

Right now my focus is on working and making money. I have this new goal of working extra days at work and putting all the extra towards my car loan. I want to pay it off within a year. If I worked just one extra 12 hour shift, I could put over double the amount of my car loan each month and pay it off quick.

Also, I want to post about fun things that happen at work, but more and more I am concerned about HIPAA, especially since I am not posting anonymously.  Sometimes I have all these cool, fun stories to share and I want to tell everyone! Other times, my job can suck. But I have many more good days at work than bad. It's only difficult because of the tough scenarios. I have great coworkers and most patients are happy and thankful for the care you provide, but remember this--nurses work hard. We put up with a lot. We are physically and emotionally drained at times, yet we continue to give and help more. It's a lot of work. That's all I can say...

On Saturday, I did not run my 5k  because I've had some family problems that don't need discussing on the internet.

And finally....I would like to thank everyone who donated in my blog raffle for the bike ride to benefit ALS.

The people who donated were entered into a spreadsheet, and then Mirza and I drew numbers out of a bowl.

The winner of the $30 Gift Certificate to Amazon and Operation Beautiful book is...
Lindsey S.

Please email me to claim your prize:)

Thank you to those who donated. With your help, I over-met my goal and raised $175:)
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A ride down memory lane...

First, I need to share what we had for dinner last night. It was so simple and delicious that I demand you:  if you're sitting around wondering what the hell you're going to make for dinner, to follow this recipe from EatingWell.com, and then thank me later. They are BBQ Portobello Quesadillas.

I woke up this morning with the plan to ride 24 miles on my bike, which would be the longest I have ever rode. However, instead of going my normal route of North on the Pinellas Trail, I decided to go South towards the downtown St. Pete area. Whoa, the crazy things I do in my life. I tell 'ya! I'm a crazy impromptu woman.

Anywho.

For breakfast, I had one cup of plain greek yogurt with one banana, 1/2 cup raw oatmeal, 1 tablespoon chia seeds, 2 tablespoons of ground flax seeds, drizzle of honey, and a tiny scoop of the chocolate avocado pudding that I made last night. Seriously. I've had this breakfast before, but I've determined it's the best pre-ride breakfast because it is so high in protein, the perfect amount of carbs, and fiber. I wish I took a photo. Not that it was spectacular looking, but I loved it so much.

Enough gawking over breakfast...

I packed up the bike and off I went. Normally, I start at Mile Marker 7 and the numbers go up from there, but today, I began a little before 6, and the numbers went down. I wasn't sure what would happen after mile marker 1 since they have just recently extended the trail passed 34th St. and into the downtown area.

Well, sadly, the mile markers end. And since I don't have a computer on my bike, I had no idea how far I was going. I ended up at Tropicana Field, and then 1st Avenue south, smack-dab in the middle of downtown. I almost turned back, but I figured I went this far, I might as well go drive by the water.

It was gorgeous, really. The wind was kind of fierce on the way there, and once I made it to a bench, the water was choppy and tons of boats were anchored, swaying back and forth.

I decided to stop and eat a granola bar.

Honestly, I thought I must have gone further than 24 miles. There were tons of stops due to the red lights, so I think that's what made the ride longer. The best part of this ride is that it took me through a lot of areas that I grew up in. I drove over the bridge from my elementary school where I used to play with one of my best childhood friends. I drove past my aunt's old house, past my high school, past the place on the trail that we built a fort in the tree, etc. It kind of brought me back.

 During the ride, I wasn't really pushing myself too hard; mostly taking in my surroundings and reminiscing about growing up. That's why I love to ride. I'm still so new to running that I can't just zone out, but with cycling? I can think of a million different things besides my bike! I mean, I grew up riding my bike. It was like an additional body part. Probably about 6 years ago, my step Dad left his bike out one night, and I decided to bring it in for him, but ended up riding it around the block. At the time, I was about 19-20 and I hadn't rode a bike since childhood. It was a crisp, fall night and I remember feeling so alive ("And in that moment, I swear were infinite"). It was so FUN. It was one of those gleeful moments when you felt like laughing out loud, and screaming, "weeee!!!"  I missed that feeling of being free, flying down the road with the wind blowing through my hair. And after that night, Mirza and I both bought cheap cruisers and we enjoyed riding at night. Those were some of the best times. And that is why I love to ride my bike!!!

Back to the ride...

 I did go through a bit of a sketchy part of the 'burg, but it didn't bother or scare me.

When I finally made it home, I checked my ride on Mapmyride.com and it was 20 miles! It's all good. I'll take it.

And then I inhaled some more quesadillas from last night with a side of broccoli slaw that was dressed in greek yogurt, honey, apple cider vinegar, sea salt, pepper, and garlic powder. And an orange.

Dessert was a graham cracker with chocolate avocado pudding slabbed in the middle straight from the freezer...

Is there an activity from your childhood that you miss? Is it something you could bring back to experience as an adult? Share!:)

What's next?

For the past week and a half, I've been keeping myself busy. I was riding off my post-triathlon high and I decided to take advantage. Whenever I have those bursts of energy and motivation to get moving, I don't ignore them!

This is a break down from the week:

Sunday: Triathlon

Monday: Upper body workout at my gym

Tuesday: Work 12.5 hours

Wednesday: Biked 14 miles, Swam 400 meters

Thursday: Ran 1 mile, Swam 600 meters, Body pump class at gym

Friday: Biked 20 miles, walked leisure 1.2 miles with Mirza. Did initial "100 Push up challenge test."

Sat/Sun: Worked 12.5 hour shifts

Monday: Rest/Day 1 of 100 Push-Up Challenge.

Tuesday: "Rest"--ie: be lazy

Wednesday (today): Ran 2 miles, Day 2 of 100 Push-Up challenge later tonight...


Whew!!!!!

I've been so busy with all of these things, but if you look closely--no yoga....what? I had it scheduled in, but kind of let it slide. *slaps hand* Bad future yoga teacher, bad!

The thing is, after my body pump class on Thursday, I was dead. The day after, I could not straighten my arms. I'm no stranger to being sore after a weight lifting class. In fact, before deciding to do a triathlon, I hardly ever did cardiovascular exercise, I just simply loved strength training more.  When I say that I was in pain, I mean it. My arms wouldn't straighten and my biceps were literally bulging at all times. It was as if my arms were in a permanent state of contraction. And the following day, I had a patient who was literally 380lbs. Yep. Luckily, she was pretty self-sufficient. And I had two male nurses help me when getting her out of bed. Poor male nurses, we totally abuse them...

 Eventually, my arms did get better, but I don't think I will be going back to that class. It wasn't that I used too heavy of a weight (only 5lbs!), but the instructor had us doing these side bicep curls at like 32523523424124234234324 reps. I suppose I was too eager and jumped in to the weights too quickly, but still. I've never been in that much pain from the gym.

As you see from my schedule, I am doing the 100 Push-Up Challenge! Actually, Mirza and I am doing it together. In my pathetic attempt to get Mirza involved any sort of physical activity besides guitar playing (he's in school for music education) (he has a gym membership purchased by me, but he goes sporadically), I convinced him we should do this fun activity together! For me, I know the only way to stay focused on exercise is to have a goal. The push up challenge is 6 weeks. Tonight is Day 2 of the challenge. We'll be completing the workouts on Mon, Wed, and Fri.  In addition, Mirza agreed that twice per week, he would go on a walk with me. And it doesn't need to be long, I promised (insert evil grin), like 1-2 miles max. He downloaded an app on my iphone that has GPS and a way to log our walks. We were supposed to go for a walk last night, but he was "too tired," ggrrrrr!


The Metric Century training is coming along nicely. I have the next 12-13 weeks planned out, bringing up my mileage each week. I have a lot of wiggle room, too, which is important with any training plan (listen to me, as if I have "trained" for athletic events all of my life! ha). I do not want to set myself for failure or guilt.

Although my training is going well, the raffle to raise money for the ride...is not. We are stalled at $85. I thought people would love a $30 Amazon Gift Card and a copy of Operation Beautiful, but I suppose it just isn't worth $5. Please spread the word...

Remember...

$5 gets you ONE raffle ticket!

$10 gets you TWO raffle tickets

If you donate, and also decide to tweet or blog (one or the other) about this giveaway, then I will double your chances of winning automatically.

The donation page can be found here:  http://web.alsa.org/goto/62.5Nicole


As you see from the past week, it looks like I am still training for an upcoming triathlon...hmmmmm??

Well, the truth is, up until a few days ago, I had my heart set on October 24th. Another sprint triathlon at Fort Desoto. But after carefully looking through my expenses and budget, I simply cannot afford it. It is over $90 at this time. I could easily just throw it on a credit card and pay it off in a short time, but I feel like I've been doing that too much lately. I will still continue to exercise as if I have a triathlon because my ultimate goal for 2011 is...

ST. ANTHONY'S TRIATHLON 

If you recall, it was just a short 5 months ago, on April 25th, that I experienced my first triathlon...as a spectator! From that moment, I was enthralled, and watching those athletes compete inspired me take the next steps and complete my first triathlon(s)! It feels only natural then, that I would progress from a sprint triathlon to an OLYMPIC DISTANCE TRI. That's a 1.5k (1 mile) Swim, 40K (24.8mile) Bike, and a 10k (6.2mile) Run. 

Registration hasn't opened yet, but I will be keeping an eye out! 


Let's see, we've covered strength training, cycling, future tri's, but what about running???


I am still new to running. In fact, I started the Couch to 5k program on April 27th of this year! Since then, I've done two sprint triathlons, and one "5k" (the course was shortened!!!!!). My goal is a HALF MARATHON. I thought it might be fun to do the Disney Half Princess marathon in February, but seeing how expensive it is has lead me to another race...

Gasparilla Half Marathon 2011! February 27, 2011.

I figured, leave the big bucks for the full marathon (yes, it is a goal of mine) and run my first reallllllllly long race here in the Tampa Bay Area! I plan on beginning my official training November 1st, giving me over 16 weeks to train.


Seriously. I have a lot going on.


Let's recap:

• 100 Push-Up Challenge in 6 weeks
• Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k: Oct 2
• Ride to Defeat ALS Metric Century: December 11, 2010
• Start Master's program (pending acceptance): January 2011
• Start Yoga Teacher Training: January 2011
• Gasparilla Half Marathon: February 27th, 2011
• St. Anthony's Triathlon: May 2011~

I'm up for the challenge.

Trek Women's Triathlon Part 2

Part one left off at Saturday.

We went to bed at 9:30pm for our 4:30 wake-up call, literally. The call was really annoying, I think it was Disney characters singing, "It's a small world after all..." I promptly hung up, and then both of our phone alarms rang.

I did not sleep well at this hotel. For one, the pillows were horrible, and then at 11:30-midnight, the family next door came home and their child, who must have been 6-9 from the voice was talking so loud, as was the father, and he was playing with some toys that clanked and clonked into a plastic bucket. The walls must be paper thin. I was pissed...who keeps their kid up that late?! Let me tell you, I was not quiet at 430 in the morning. Funniest part is Mirza heard nothing!! I would not recommend this hotel, but it was only $70/night with my triathlon discount, so it got the job done.  Definitely catered towards children...

We arrived early to the event to spare time driving there, and taking the shuttle, body marking, etc.

Waiting for the swim I had so much anxiety.
Swimming in the Gulf/ocean is scary enough, but a LAKE? This is FLORIDA. Florida lakes=GATORS. This was Disney property, but I am going to take a wild guess that the gators looked nothing like this:

People kept saying, "Oh, it's Disney,  they remove the gators..." I laughed because  I doubt that's true, and even if it is, it's difficult to prevent the gators from coming into canals, etc. LOOK, I know, I know, I  know...there's so many people in the water, they will be scared, blablabla. That's great. But that still does not make it any less scary when you're 1/2 mile out from shore!!

At one point, it was still pretty dark and people were on the pier area looking at the buoys, and we all saw something eerily making it's way across the water. It looked JUST.LIKE.A.GATOR. Turned out to be a couple of ducks, ha!

Finally, the sun rose, and it was time for swim. I was the 5th wave. I couldn't see much of the athletes before me because of the crowd, and I am short. All I knew was that it looked like an awfully long way to swim, and definitely further from shore than my last triathlon.

I am in the middle smiling at the camera...

And there I am in the middle giving a thumbs-up.

I look calm, cool, and collected, but in reality, I was freaking out about the lake like a sissy girl, "omg, it is so slimy, and muddy, and so much sea weed, wtf AM I DOING?!!"

We had a send off by Sally Edwards, who has competed in over 150 races. This was an all-women's event, and I must say, it was wonderful to not have any stinky boys around. The entire theme of the pep-talk was geared towards being supportive towards each other. She chanted, "What are you going to do if someone looks like they need help?!" HELP THEM! The motivational speech was wonderful. 

And then they counted down from 10, and we were off. #$^#$^#$^%# so much seaweed. I just kept reminding myself over and over, "It's only a plant, it's only a plant. A plant cannot hurt you!!!" The first couple of meters, I thought I was going to lose it. I inhaled some water, started to choke, and I felt claustrophobic, like I couldn't breathe. I saw my whole triathlon flash before my eyes. I didn't get kicked or punched too bad, maybe pulled a little bit, but the other triathletes were so nice and apologetic. After a minute or so, I just focused on swimming. 

The swim was 1/2 mile, which is double the length of my first triathlon.

It was long, but I tried my best to stay with the pack.  I did not want to be out in the open water too long with who-knows-what...

Every once in awhile, I would feel a swoosh of water by my legs, and I just kept saying to myself, "please let that be another swimmer!!!!"

However, there were tons of lifeguards surrounding us in the water, yelling out, "You're doing great, you're halfway there!!" And they would let swimmers know when they were going off course. They encouraged you to hold onto the kayak or boat if you felt the need. I loved all of the volunteers at this event.

Finally, it was over, and I ran the hell out of the water. SO DISGUSTING!! *shudder*

The swim took me a really long time (31:21 minutes!! I debated posting my breakdown times on here because it feels private, and they aren't the "best" times, but I don't care at this point. They may not be the fastest times, but for me, they are an improvement, and I am proud).

 I was so disoriented that I didn't remove my goggles. Mirza and I find this picture incredibly funny...

This triathlon was so much better than the last one because it was put on by a huge company (Trek and at Disney), so there were tons of spectators and volunteers cheering you on. Everyone was incredibly positive and encouraging. I love when people yell out words of encouragement...it does motivate me!

I made it to my bike and my feet were covered in dirt since I ran through mulch. I decided to not even bother with socks for my clip-in shoes. I had never done this before, so it was kind of a risk, but I see triathletes do it all of the time, so I decided what-the-hell to spare my transition time (3:18 Not bad considering my last one was >6 minutes, but it was a long run to the bikes at Fort Desoto, too). Also, I bought a race belt, so I didn't have difficulty putting on my shirt this time after the swim with the paper number. I also wore a triathlon tank from Danskin and tri shorts, for those wondering.

The ride was 12 miles. I had no issues with not wearing socks. About 1 mile in, a cop was yelling, "SMILE, they're going to take a photo!" And man, I smiled for every damn picture. I am sure they wanted some action shots, but I was cheesin' for the camera. I hope they got 'em! I cannot wait to see. At my last triathlon, they somehow got NO shots of me. Totally ridiculous! 

The ride was challenging. It was on a closed-off highway setting and a few "hills," such as the highway twists/turns, and ramps. The best was coming down the hills. I didn't just coast like some, I tried to use it to my advantage and pedal a bit, too.

Once I got back to the campground, I knew that I was almost done and I felt excited. People again were cheering, and I almost wanted to cry at one point. I felt proud of myself. I know what it's like to watch a triathlon, and to actually be part of it felt surreal, but totally cool:).

My bike time was 49:35. I felt I had been going faster, but it's all good. I ran, racked my bike, threw off my bike shoes, and put on my socks.  Transition 2 was 2:04.

Now, onto the 5k ...

I was completely exhausted, but pushed myself to run. I had planned on using a 9:1 method, but after the first 9 minutes (keeping in mind, I am running pretty slow...), I felt good, so I just kept going. I'm not sure how far into the run that I did take a walking break. I was concerned that if I did stop to walk, that I would have a difficult time motivating myself to start running again! I ended up taking a few walking breaks at the water stations (3 of them total), but they were only about 1 minute breaks.

The 5k felt like it went on forever. I always underestimate how far 3.1 miles can be sometimes. At one point, we passed by a fork in the road, and we were to turn right, go down (forever), get to the man playing the bag pipes (random), water station, etc., and then turn back and we would run the other way at the fork, back to the race site. When I first passed the fork, I heard them tell a runner ahead of me that it was just 400 meters to the finish from that site. Once I passed the fork, I picked up my speed.

And then I heard the music, and I could see the race site! Tons of people were lined up, and the music began to blast louder, I could hear the announcer. People were surrounding me on each side and extending out their hands for me to slap. I felt bad-ass! I started to RUN as fast as my tired little 5'3 legs would take me. I think spectators love to see people really push it at the end.

The finish line was exactly as I had imagined all those times prior to ever doing a triathlon. I WAS SO HAPPY!! The music was beating inside of my chest, the Zumba girls were dancing, people were clapping, and I heard my name being announced, he said, "HERE COMES NICOLE...NICOLE, THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE NOW, SMILE!!" And then I crossed the finish line!! aaah. I loved that moment. 

Throughout the whole run, one of the main things that kept me going was knowing I would get a MEDAL. I have never received a medal or trophy before because growing up, I did not participate in sports, dance, etc. I knew that if I made it out of the water, and if my bike did not get a flat, then I would be guaranteed a finisher's medal because eventually I would finish the race, even if I walked.

Run time was 39:13. That's a little over 12 minute mile, which is good enough for me on that day!!! At my first triathlon, I walked majority of the way, and it took me about 45-46 minutes, ouch.

You don't have to be first, you just have to TRI. I was not first, but I was not last (I was 406 out of 561 overall, and 20/23 in my age group. Surprisingly, I thought I was last in my age group because of the swim, so I was happy with the 20th!) and so what if I had been last?!

I did so much better this time. Even Mirza commented that he thought I did better, in fact, he did not expect me to come hauling ass towards the finish, hence the lack of photos!

  I think a lot of it had to do with knowing what to expect, and the race itself. Trek Women's Triathlon put on a great event, with so much support and organization. Also, I loved the all-women's aspect. Not once did some burly 56 year old man pass me on the bike. GIRL-POWER!

If you're ever thinking of doing a triathlon, I highly recommend finding an all female event (assuming you're female, of course). The atmosphere is inspiring.

And now, for the best photo you will see all year...

They were giving out muffins the size of my head. I told Mirza to take a photo of me eating the muffin as a joke since it was so big...

Check out that guy next to me!!!!! I didn't even notice until Mirza pointed it out. It looks like we're in a muffin-eating contest!! Cracks me up still.

After the race, we still had to drive an hour and a half back to St. Pete, so we stopped at Cracker Barrel (ohyes) for breakfast. I had two eggs, hashbrowns, rye toast, and pancakes with cherry topping. It was a lot, but seeing as the last meal I ate prior to the race was the day before around 3pm, we were both starving. I grossly under-fueled for the race since the hotel's cafe was not open at 4:30am. All I had before the race was a cup of instant oatmeal! 

Stay tuned for what's in store next!