I did not get into graduate school and this made me quite upset. I cried. I cursed the world. I am fucking pissed (yes, enough to curse!) because I want to start school and begin the next chapter in my life. I don't want to wait anymore and "waste time." I HATE when things do not go as planned. How frustrating is that, right??? But, I know that things do not always go as planned. And although in the grand scheme of things I don't necessarily believe in the notion that, "things happen for a reason," I do wonder if the universe has some sort of weird cosmic plan for us all. I am atheist. I do not believe in a higher power that controls us or put us on this earth.
But the universe is crazy and magnificent and there are energies out there. I have no control of these energies or control over my own life, it seems. Everything feels random at times. Yet it all falls into place in unexplainable ways. I am content with unexplainable things, whereas others might need religion or dogma to explain the beauty around them.
I bask in it.
"And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. "
Therefore, I let myself get upset and cry and threw a pity party. And then I let out a big, deep breath, and realized, hey, it isn't the end of the world. This is just the way things are and other opportunities will present themselves. This is your life! This is the way it is supposed to be. You are young, healthy, and have a wonderful boyfriend, a roof over your head, and even a good head on your shoulders.
So, I've moved on...
The past couple of days, I've baked my first (apple) pie...ugly as it was, it tasted delicious...
I laughed with Mirza as we put up the Christmas tree and attempted to take a "family portrait"...
This afternoon I decided I've been seriously lacking in the department of being outdoors and getting my Vitamin D, so I grabbed some magazines, my sad point-and-shoot camera (still waiting on the DSLR to ship!), a towel, and headed to the beach.
I soaked up the sun and read an article titled, "The Sun Always Rises" by Katie Holcombe from the December 2010 issue of Yoga Journal. The last few paragraphs really jumped out at me:
"While life -and-death predicaments like the one my friend experienced are thankfully not the norm, each of us faces our own 'snowstorms' of varying proportions every day. Maybe you don't get the job you wanted or receive the recognition that you feel you deserve. Life may present you with any number of heartbreaks in the form of death, loss, and disappointment. Each of these instances is an opportunity to see that there can be great freedom and ease in letting go of illusion of control over your circumstances.
With this knowledge, you continue to act in the best way you know how, to the best of your ability. You still hope, dream, or pray for--and pursue--what you want from life. But when things don't go as you had hoped, you trust that there is an order beyond your knowing or understanding. You can move forward with the peace that comes from accepting that the outcome is out of your hands, through surrender to something much bigger. And you discover that even when circumstances are beyond your control, life often works out just fine, and sometimes even better than you could have imagined."
My January will not begin with books and classes regarding my career. Instead, I will immerse myself in photography and yoga.
Today I signed up for a Beginning Digital Photography course at the Morean Arts Center. It begins January 11th. That same week, my Yoga Teacher Training will begin.
What could be better than those two combined? I'd like to say, nothing.
the purpose of life for man is growth, just as the purpose of life for trees and plants is growth. trees and plants grow automatically and along fixed lines; man can grow as he will. trees and plants can only develop certain possibilities and characteristics; man can develop any power which is or has been shown by any person anywhere. nothing that is possible in spirit is impossible in flesh and blood. nothing that man can think is impossible. nothing that man can imagine is impossible of realization.—