Friday, May 29, 2009


This is a bit more personal post than I usually do. I keep a lot of the really personal stuff for my LJ, but I just feel like opening up.
Lately, I have been feeling so restless about life. I feel so torn. Not that there is a lot to be torn about, so I think that is the wrong, upset, frustrated, rushed. Mirza won't be graduating foreverrrrr from now. His whole schedule just got screwed with going to SPC, transferring and then when he didn't get inthe first time at USF, that put him behind by a year(he's in school to be a music teacher). Because he has so many more studio lessons to go through, he probably won't graduate until late 2011! ugh, why does this suck? Let me tell you:
- As long as he is in school, I don't see what sort of job he could attain that would bring in any sort of real income.
- I told myself and him (and everyone who asks) that I did not want to live together until we are both financially stable.
- But this sucks because then we won't be living together until forever???????????????????????
- We've been together for over 6 years, we're both 24 years old, I JUST WANT TO BE TOGETHER!! I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER AND START OUR LIFE.
It is like everyone else is living their life, going on trips, getting engaged, married, having babies....I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD WHEN I HAVE KIDS!! I am just upset because we are so incredibly in love and have everything a couple could ask for, but I feel like we are just separated and that we're not together until we combine our living situation.
-I guess I just always had this laid out plan in my head about the way things would, I would graduate, live on my own for awhile, then when he graduates, we will find a place TOGETHER, our own place with enough room and start to really live together and be one. And then live together, work, travel, have fun and just be US and be alone and be in love like we are...Get engaged and married and save money and then buy a HOUSE and "settle down" somewhere, maybe out of Florida once we're both settled in our positions. Go back to school, etc. And then obviously start a family....but it's like...if he doesn't graduate for 2 more years, I will be 26...! too old.

i don't know what to do. It is really UGH, any suggestions?

Mirza's 24th BDAY

Sunday, May 17, 2009

an update

To update:
-Tomorrow I have to do a "shadow shift" in the ICU. I'm excited, but they start at 5:30, so getting up that early is not what I'm looking forward to.
-I'm working diligently on my portfolio for the internship
-I got another raise at work! yay.
-I paid my $500 for the CSA and took a visit a few weeks ago; SO AWESOME!

Sunday, May 3, 2009