Friday, May 29, 2009

Restless

This is a bit more personal post than I usually do. I keep a lot of the really personal stuff for my LJ, but I just feel like opening up.
Lately, I have been feeling so restless about life. I feel so torn. Not that there is a lot to be torn about, so I think that is the wrong word....um, upset, frustrated, rushed. Mirza won't be graduating foreverrrrr from now. His whole schedule just got screwed with going to SPC, transferring and then when he didn't get inthe first time at USF, that put him behind by a year(he's in school to be a music teacher). Because he has so many more studio lessons to go through, he probably won't graduate until late 2011! ugh, why does this suck? Let me tell you:
- As long as he is in school, I don't see what sort of job he could attain that would bring in any sort of real income.
- I told myself and him (and everyone who asks) that I did not want to live together until we are both financially stable.
- But this sucks because then we won't be living together until like..um forever???????????????????????
- We've been together for over 6 years, we're both 24 years old, I JUST WANT TO BE TOGETHER!! I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER AND START OUR LIFE.
It is like everyone else is living their life, going on trips, getting engaged, married, having babies....I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD WHEN I HAVE KIDS!! I am just upset because we are so incredibly in love and have everything a couple could ask for, but I feel like we are just separated and that we're not together until we combine our living situation.
-I guess I just always had this laid out plan in my head about the way things would go...like, I would graduate, live on my own for awhile, then when he graduates, we will find a place TOGETHER, our own place with enough room and start to really live together and be one. And then live together, work, travel, have fun and just be US and be alone and be in love like we are...Get engaged and married and save money and then buy a HOUSE and "settle down" somewhere, maybe out of Florida once we're both settled in our positions. Go back to school, etc. And then obviously start a family....but it's like...if he doesn't graduate for 2 more years, I will be 26...! too old.

i don't know what to do. It is really UGH, any suggestions?

1 comments:

Sascha Fierce said...

I have a few friends in my course who are in the same position as Mirza - older students who are studying (medicine) and won't be finishing until 2011; meanwhile their girlfriends/wives/partners have been in full-time work for a few years already. The trend that seems to be emerging is that of their partners supporting them financially through their studies (so covering rent and living expenses, etc), with the promise of reversing the roles sometime down the track. It's not easy, but it's definitely a viable option for long-term stable relationships. It's hard, I know... but sometimes you just have to make do with what you've got and you'll probably surprise yourself with how resourceful you may be. It'll all work out in the end, hopefully :-)