Since finishing my OnRamp classes at CrossFit a couple of weeks ago, I've had a huge problem with comparing myself to others, or not feeling strong enough. It was easy to feel strong when it was just me and the trainer, but when I'm in a WOD with a group and I'm one of the last people to finish--it can be a huge hit to my ego.
I understand that the point of CrossFit is to compete against yourself, and to see your own progress being made. I do, I get it. But I usually pick someone out of the class who I think I can surely "beat," but I fall short. The box is supportive, but sometimes, especially the young, strong guys--they finish SO MUCH QUICKER than me that they end up leaving when I am barely finished. It makes me feel like the biggest loser as I am out running during the WOD and I see people drive away...
Last Saturday, Mirza and I went to the WOD together.
I make the worst faces when doing CrossFit...it's scary..
I did everything as prescribed, except with the KB swings, I used 26lbs. I noticed tons of women finishing in half the time that I did. I found it incredibly defeating until I realized, some of them literally only did half of the workout by cutting the runs in half or not as many reps. I think that I finished second to last, and Mirza finished last. Granted, not all other women did this, and they really did beat my time because they are simply in better shape and stronger.
It occurred to me after on the drive home that Mirza didn't realize some people were not doing the prescribed WOD, either. And this really made him feel bad--wondering how the heck some women were even so much quicker than him? This is why it's so important to not compare yourself to others. You never know what the other person is really doing. I shouldn't be paying attention to them, anyway! I just feel bad about myself for no reason at all.
It is difficult though, since CrossFit literally displays your results on a whiteboard to compare your time to others.
I type these words mostly for myself because I still don't quite believe them. I still compare and feel bad about my times and weights.
For instance, the other night we were working on strength training with front squats. I had previously been proud of my one rep max front squat of 85lbs. I'm 5'3, 120lbs--I'm not a giant person, so 85lbs just seems like a lot of weight to me. Of course, this night, we took 90% of our one rep max and worked down from there. I was paired up with another girl. She was thin, but taller than me. I let my ego take over and mentally thought, "hmm, I am stronger than her." Wrong. She didn't know her one rep max, so she used my numbers...and completely blew my numbers out of the water. I felt like crap! This is stupid, right?
Hopefully I can get over myself and just do CrossFit for me, and for nobody else. Of course, I don't think I will even be faster or stronger than the men in class, but it would be nice to beat some other women of the same size and age as me at least once...right?
I know that it's going to take hard work to move up the board, but for now, I am going to keep trying my hardest and be happy that I am even working out and moving my body. Sometimes, I think I am too hard on myself. I've been doing CrossFit now for only one month and 2 weeks.
I need to seriously check my ego at the door.