26

By the way, I turned 26 on the 17th...

I spent the day at work where my coworkers surprised me with a cake!
And when I got home, Mirza's Mom had a "Max" cake waiting for me...

dreams

ugh.
Let's interpret a dream, shall we...


I took a nap this afternoon. I got called off from work...

I was at my mom's house and one of my aunt's came over.  While at the house, I could tell that my aunt was lying when she pretended to get a phone call about "her cat needing something in the bathroom;" I knew she was just going to come back with pills for them to take together. I decided to call the police and have them all arrested.

Well, she left, and my mom came out of her room and she looked out of it, but we were both crying and hugging/embracing on the couch and she was repeating, "it doesn't matter,  it doesn't matter," over and over and I kept saying in her ear, "It matters, you have to try and fight. we have to keep fighting." At this point, the fire department arrived in a black fire engine and took her away.

My brother and step father were really angry with me, accusing me of being a terrible daughter for sending my mother away. I kept trying to explain, "But she DIES in the end, you just don't know it." It was as if I knew the alternate reality and my sister knew, too because I spoke with her on the phone and said, "but they don't get it..she dies...she dies. even if she hates us, we need to send her to jail."

ugh@! This was my first dream about my mom like this. I don't recall her face, unfortunately.
If that isn't enough to make someone depressed, I don't know what is...


Kind of reminds me of fucking reality and all of the times that I wish I were wrong when I said, "She is going to DIE," but no one wanted to help us..

We interrupt the regularly scheduled blogging to bring you...

 ...to the beach...

What to make??

Since moving in together this January, Mirza's mom has been giving us tons of food. She's so generous. Whenever she goes to the market, she'll buy extra for us, wash it, and it's ready to go! But with my own shopping already, I feel like we have tons of food, but I'm feeling a bit uncreative.
So, without further ado, here is pretty much everything, give or take a few random items.

What should we make???

Pantry:

3 cans chick peas

1 can kidney beans

1 can chili beans

3 can whole kernel corn

2 can tomato sauce

1 can stewed tomato

1 bag whole grain brown rice

huge bag of jasmine rice

¼ cup of couscous

1 bag urid black beans

1 bag flour tortilla

jar grape leaves

numerous bottles of random sauces like soy, siracha, worstershire, teriyaki, rice vinegar, white vinegar, evoo, maple syrup, buffalo sauce

panko bread crumbs

popcorn

2 russet potatoes

small bag of probably 4-5 left over honey gold potatoes

2 boxes cereal

2 bags granola

1 box oatmeal, 1 container plain oatmeal, jar steel cut oatmeal

1 bag whole grain bread, 1 bag of bagels,

jar peanut butter

raisins

1 box spaghetti

1 box angel hair pasta

1 box penne

1 box penne—tomato/spinach blend

1 box tri color rotini

(how the f*ck did we get so much pasta????)

1 box Kodiak whole grain pancake mix

all natural cocoa powder

giant bag of mixed teas

Spice cabinet full of probably 25-30 herbs, spices, etc.

Excluding baking supplies

Fridge and produce

POUNDS OF STRAWBERRIES

Huge container of pineapple and one pinepple that hasn’t been cut yet

5 bananas, some bad—banana bread?

Fresh asparagus

Carrots

Fresh mint and cilantro,…two huge bunches

Sugar snap peas

Papaya x 3

Pear

Lemon x 2

Avocado

3 baby red potatoes

2 apples

red pepper

orange pepper

bunch red grapes

giant hunk of cheddar cheese

small bag of Monterey jack shredded’

about ½ cup shredded mozzarella

every freakin condiment known to man

almond milk

freezer full of : peas, pepper/onion mix, cauliflower

garden veggies patties

morning star crumbles

HELP US.

Making the Connection

I do not write a lot about work these days. I miss it; the sharing. This blog started as a way for me to share, chronicle, and vent my journey through this career. Lately though, I've become much more aware and scared of violating HIPAA.

Recently, I have taken care of the same patient the last five times at work. This continuity of care is important for the patient, but I also feel---for the nurse, too (to a point, depending on your relationship with the patient).

This patient has HIV/AIDS. I feel like I have made such a connection with this patient that on my days off, I do wonder and even worry about him/her. I stop myself from calling in to work for an update. Prior to this patient deteriorating further, we had a long discussion about food, as we would since with this disease, wasting syndrome has taken over, and nutrition has become quite important. This patient told me their love for whole wheat pancakes in the morning. Immediately, I mentioned Kodiak cakes! I love them because they're whole wheat, no preservatives or funky ingredients, and so easy because all you do is add water.

As soon as I got home, I put my extra box of Kodiak Cakes by the door. And the next time I worked, I gave it to the patient. Unfortunately, at this point, the patient is receiving nutrition through a tube going through their nose and into small intestine, but that's besides the point. I felt compelled to do something or give something to this patient. I don't know why!!

You see, you connect with most of your patients, but honestly, not all. And for whatever reason, there are those special patients that truly connect with you on a deeper level. Sometimes it is hard to see patients as just regular people when they're in the hospital setting; a lot of them begin to look and feel the same after so many 12 hour shifts.

 But then, there's some that just strike you, and you realize this is a person with a life outside of this immediate sickness and you feel true empathy. I love that. It lifts me up and helps me feel like I actually am "making a difference." Nursing is not glamorous, by any means. And not everyone even respects the profession; mostly those who have never seen a nurse in action. But I must say, I am humbled by the patients who touch my heart, and at the same time, I feel proud of what I do for a living; and for what I do to help these specific patients. For me, when it comes to making these connections, the care that's provided becomes mutual. It's a relationship with two people--each giving a little bit, and each benefiting from the other's presence...

Calm.

You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense.  ~Jane Pauley

 Time spent with cats is never wasted...

Always with cats!

 "I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold beer water in my hand, life is good today...life is good today"

 Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves

that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think. ~Robert Henri

 Weather forecast for tonight:  dark.  ~George Carlin

Earth laughs in flowers.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth.  ~Author Unknown

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.  ~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wrigh

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights.  ~Terri Guillemets

Margaritaville

I had two goals when visiting Key West--the Hemingway house and the Southernmost point. And of course, cheer on my sister as she ran the Key West Half Marathon.

Since I don't have a whole lot to say, besides that we spread some of my mother's ashes outside of Margaritaville in betweens fits of giggles and laughter,  I will leave you with some photos...

I wish I had the time to upload all of the photos to share, but I will give a snippet.

 My mom loved Jimmy Buffett, and she definitely would have enjoyed this trip, so I felt a bit sad at times reminiscing while hearing some of her favorite songs, but it was lovely to be with my sister...and now a piece of my mom will always be at Margaritaville. We both agree she would have loved that and had a good laugh. And in a way, I feel like experiencing this trip allowed my mother to see it, as well.

As Melissa and her friends ran the 1/2 marathon, I wandered around the early Sunday morning of Key West...

 I loved the feeling of Key West...the bikes, old streets, and houses.

There were lots of roosters waking up the island with their crowing. I loved it!! Totally unexpected..

 Key West during the day fits my personality more compared to the night life. Once it's dark, there's tons of bars and drunk people out on Duval Street, which is all fine and dandy, but it felt unoriginal and tourist.

I felt at times like I were exploring an abandoned island on my own since it was so early on a Sunday and a bit chilly for south Florida, but this little guy kept me company on a board walk...

The best part was the Hemingway house. We were quite short on time since Melissa's friends needed to get back to Naples, so my sister and I literally walked through the house at warp speed trying to take everything in...

 I must go back for an actual tour someday..

 It felt surreal being there. I tried to imagine what it was like when new...

 If you know anything about me and anything about the Hemingway house, then you know I would just LOVE it because of the cats...

The famous 6 toed cats everywhere. Bliss.

I loved the painting above the bed!!

I want to live here...

Look closely, you'll see kitty prints in the cement...

An artist on the street. Love.

 Making our way to the Southernmost point of the US...

I made it! Too anxious to wait in line, so yeah, no idea who those people are...

Overall, I loved Key West. I was only there a short time, but even in that short time, I know that I will come back with Mirza someday. I'm really starting to admire Florida more.

In other news, in case anyone has missed it, there is a new section to my blog. "Reading Space" can be found at the top header. A little place to archive my reads. Hope you'll stop by...