Now, let's get to my current thoughts and feelings post triathlon. Immediately after, I was a total grouch. I would even verge on saying I was a bitch. I was negative and mean. I told Mirza that I "never want to do this again." I yelled at him for recording a video. I nitpicked at stupid shit. I looked online to find if I could get a refund on my next triathlon! I almost canceled my hotel in Orlando!
It was all mental. I had too high expectations for myself in regards to my first race ever. In life, I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, so to come in close to last truly hurt my pride. But that's just it; it was all ego. I should not have been focused on my times.
I did not give myself enough credit for finishing, for completely conquering a huge fear of mine: the water. Just months prior to deciding to complete a triathlon, I was on a boat with my aunt and uncle and I remember echoing the words, "You couldn't pay me to go in that water." I've always been afraid. It's a claustrophobic feeling of not knowing what's there. But it's the Gulf of Mexico, so we know what's there--fish, sting ray, sea weed, other creepy things. Even now, after doing the triathlon, just thinking about going back into the ocean makes my skin crawl. Don't ask, it just does.
But guess what? I did it, and to me, that is amazing.
After ruminating on the subject for awhile, and cursing all physical activity, declaring that I am "not meant for this," or that I "hate" running, I GOT.OVER.IT. I am actually proud of myself now.
I believe my high expectations could stem from reading other people's experiences on blogs. I tend to read a lot of amazing blogs of athletes who compete in tons of races and tri's. I cannot compare myself to this!! Perhaps someday, but not during my first race...ever.
Many people have told me they are proud of me, and congratulated me, and I realized that it doesn't matter if I was first, last, or average. I finished. I had the courage to SIGN UP. I had the notion to believe that I could do it, and I did! I want to thank the people who commented because immediately after the triathlon, I felt like crap, and they all helped me to put life into perspective and to feel proud of what I accomplished.
My drive is back!
I signed up for a 5k this Saturday.
This will be my first 5k, not including the triathlon, of course. And I've worked out a schedule leading up to the triathlon.
And I am actually pumped for the next triathlon on September 5th at Walt Disney World. Originally, I signed up for my first triathlon to give myself "practice" for the one I really wanted to do: Trek Women's Triathlon at Disney.
I have a few goals for the next triathlon:
- Stay positive!!!! This includes before and after. If I cross the finish line dead last, I will SMILE. I will be proud. And I won't be mean to poor Mirza!!!
- Have fun! To be honest, I did have fun at my last triathlon. If they ever post pictures of me on the bike, I had a smile the entire time. It was just before and after that were torture:)
- No focusing on other people.
- Try to swim with some sort of form...efficiency, people!
- Use the 9:1 method for the run portion.
- Really push myself. I believe a lot of my last triathlon was more mind than anything. MIND OVER MATTER.
- Goals are not rigid!
I would also like to do better than my overall time, but it isn't important. This triathlon is longer. The swimming distance is double (400 meter to now a 1/2 mile! 10 mile ride to 13 miles).
Here is a short video of me after the swim. Check out the giant that passes me at the last second. Ignore my flattering outfit;)
Today I continued with my training by running 3 miles in 35 minutes, and then swimming at my gym (400-600 meters). I feel great.
And here is a video of me crossing the finish line. I edited it to leave out the part of me cursing at the end, haha.
I'm still waiting on some official photos from the race, but I have a feeling there won't be any. They have a photo under my name and bib number, but it's some other woman?
Check back later for another post regarding my mindful eating plan, and inspiring (to me) events to come in my life!