You see, I've been thinking...and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Bear with me because this post may be a bit melodramatic, but it must be done...
I'm almost embarrassed to admit it in some respects, but I feel as if my life has become obsessed with things that are outside of my self. What I mean is that I feel disconnected from real life because I spend too much time on blogs and social networking sites. If I am at home, I generally end up stuck in this terrible pattern of checking Facebook, Twitter, Blog, Email, Facebook, Twitter, Blog, Email, REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT...it is sick. It is to the point where I don't feel like I am living my life to the fullest because I'm too concerned with other bloggers, or sharing every little thing I am doing, thinking, eating; posting every single photo. Actually, I tried to sit down and make a list of activities that I could be doing instead, and could only list about five. FIVE? Have I lost all creativity for real life?
That's why last week, I moved the Facebook and Twitter icons to the end of my bookmark bar, and I signed out. And I turned off the television. And Mirza and I walked through a park, and took photos, and I did not feel the need to share these beautiful photos, and I am thankful for that. Before the days of social networking and blogs, people would do this and not have a second thought, but now? After not posting on Facebook for just a few days, one of my friends jokingly asked if I were still alive. Really.
I need to disconnect in order to reconnect.
For now, I still go on these websites and sign in to Facebook, Twitter, etc., but I look for less than 5 minutes, maybe commenting or replying to a few posts, and then I actively sign out, and I am trying to limit this to just twice per day--in the morning and evening.
Now, it would be ideal for me to just quit altogether and drop off the face of the earth, but I don't feel that is necessary or even beneficial because those sites do help me feel more connected to other people throughout the world, which is good, but only to a certain point. Sometimes, I read other blogs and then compare myself to others--the things they are doing in their lives, and the foods they are eating, and then I feel the need to change. Sometimes, this is good. They may give me motivation to train for a triathlon, or inspire me to try a new recipe. Those are the aspects I enjoy and will continue to pursue. But, other times I see people living their lives in a different way, flying across the country, seemingly "living life to the fullest," but I wonder if it is a facade, or feeling bad about myself because I lost some stupid Twitter "friends," or no one comments on a post. It is all terribly immature of me, but I'm only human.
I've been using this medium as a way to escape reality...and now my freakin' head hurts.
Simply put, I'm going to check back in to life. I am 25 years old, I NEED TO LIVE.
Definitely, I will continue to blog; I've held this blog for over 4 years, and a Livejournal for probably 8 years now, not to mention the piles and stacks of journals and diaries that I've kept since a young girl. Journaling is therapeutic and I love it, but my blog posts will be for me. Of course, I will censor certain aspects because this is public. I will continue to share photos and explain what I'm doing in life, only because and if it excites me, and makes me happy.
I need to stop yearning for what I do not have, and either accept what I do have, or set out to change it.
And that is what I am doing, and I am happy for that.
While I am still compiling it in my head to put "down on paper," I will have a post up soon (today? tomorrow? a few days? I'm not sure) regarding some things I'll be doing over the next year that truly inspire and help me to fully embrace life. I'm pumped!