slump

Wow, I feel dumb. I got all dressed and ready to go to a weight lifting class at my gym. Drove halfway there and convinced myself that I had looked on the Wednesday schedule and that there wasn't a class. Of course, I came back home and indeed, it was this morning at 10:15! Yep, I'm an idiot.
I've decided to go to Xtreme Training at 4:30 instead, unless Mirza and I go swimming. I ended up running for about 25 minutes instead.

I am so sore! On Sunday, I went to a total fitness class and the instructor totally kicked my ass! It was interval training and now my butt, chest, and calves are killing me! It feels like when I first joined the gym 2 years ago. I like being sore though, don't you? Even though being in pain is never fun, it helps me to know I did something great for my body! Yesterday I ran as fast as I could on the treadmill for about 15 minutes before my yoga class. Holy wow, the treadmills at my gym make such a difference compared to the crappy one at my apartment complex. It was a much smoother run?
And the yoga class was exactly what I was looking for. It used to be "gentle yoga" and I didn't like it because it was kind of boring and it seemed geared towards the older crowd, but now it is awesome! In addition to all of that, I finally caved in last night around 7-8pm and went swimming with Mirza. We really worked it. I feel like yesterday I did so much good for my body in terms of exercise. I wish everyday could be like that.

However, yesterday I was truly feeling down. It seems like usually midway through the day, around 2-5pm, I just get into this slump where I don't want to do anything and I just feel so negative. Especially yesterday I had no self-esteem. It was like the world was against me and I felt like the ugliest person in the world. What is that about?? Probably hormones. Sometimes I feel that reading other blogs is similar to reading magazines and it could contribute to low-self esteem at times. I know that might sound harsh since all of the blogs I read are by healthy and smart individuals, but most of them are also just so damn beautiful! sheesh. I'm really trying to incorporate more of a healthy and positive attitude in life and I do think many of the blogs, especially Angela's have helped me in the last few months.
I also have to add that my boyfriend, Mirza of 6+ years is the most understanding, compassionate, and comforting boyfriend in the world. Even when I am not that pleasant to be around during one of my "slumps" he always reassures me that I am the most beautiful person in the world (even though at the time I never believe him)!


Before my "slump" though, I did manage to make a fantastic Green Monster consisting of two leafs of Kale, half of a banana, four slices of pineapple, 1/2-1 cup of coconut milk/juice, tablespoon of Flax, and 1 tablespoon of Organic Nutiva Hemp Protein! I must admit, I was scared to add the protein in case it tasted like crap, but I didn't taste anything. I'm not sure what the hemp tastes like on it's own, but if anything, it enhanced the GM for sure!
I really love this drink:


Some random pictures from yesterday:
I managed to whip up the quinoa wrap!

We went to the record store...





This evening I'll be working on a post related to finances, budgets, materialism, and consuming. Even though I am quite conservative with money, the last few months have been difficult with money and I need an overhaul!!

Sunday Rainbows!

First things first, I made a quinoa and black bean mix:





Included quinoa, black beans, scallions, red pepper, carrots, cumin, oregano, evoo, and red wine vinegar. I'm letting it get nice and chilled and then I'll put it in a wrap with hummus, tomatoes, and alfafa sprouts! Can't wait!

Mirza and I went to the beach, so prepare for picture time!














Stay tuned for more tomorrow!

lcd

I got an LCD (low census day) for 8 hours. There is the slightest possibility that I may need to go in from 3-7, but probably not.
Yesterday was so hard. I mean, I felt so powerless and ineffective. Yes, I did everything I was supposed to, but I ran the entire day. I feel like the patients did not get the best possible care. There is no way to know everything that is going on with each person when you have 6 patients! That is 6 diagnoses, 6 long histories, 6 assessments, orders, etc to cram into your brain. Truly, it isn't possible. I don't know how some nurses do that. I am sure they DO NOT know everything going on with their patients because they can't, but that isn't the kind of nurse I imagined myself to be. I did not become a nurse so I could just check off things on my list to do. It is too task-oriented on med-surg. Not to mention the fact that everyone was miserable! One of my elderly patients was so deaf and blind that everytime I tried to speak with her and tell her what I was doing, she would interrupt me and be like, "WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! oooh more pills???"
"Yes, I have your morning pi--"
"JUST GIVE THEM TO ME ALREADY...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT IS THIS??"
And then she insisted on new water. She wouldn't use the water bottle at her bedside. Since it was a cdiff room, I was gowned up, so someone had to get me a pitcher of water.
I tried to explain to her while we waited about the lovenox injection.
"*screaming* I need to give you this injection. It is lovenox, a blood thinner that will prevent you from getting a clot while you're in the bed"
"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO GIVE ME PILLS WITHOUT WATER."
"I'm not, this is an injection that goes into your abd--"
"DON'T GIVE ME ANY PILLS WITHOUT WATER, JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!"
"This isn't a pill, it an injec--"
"YOU WANT TO GIVE ME AN INJECTION?? WHAT THE SHIT!!!??"
And then she kept swearing at me and everyone else. "What kind of shitty place is this? WHERE IS MY FUCKING BREAKFAST?? AAUGH"
When the water finally came, she insisted that I pour the pitcher into tiny little water bottles. Sorry, but I refused to do that. I told her she had cups and that was fine. "WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS PLACE?!!?!???"

And when I had to float to the other med-surg floor, I was dead. At one point, while standing there listening to phone report, I almost thought I was going to cry from being so overwhelmed. That would have been 12 patients in one day. Actually, *calculating* 14 because of admissions and discharges previously on my shift. Luckily, I was able to hold back my tears and stop being a baby.
That is hard for me because I'm one of those people who cannot hold in tears easily. I know it sounds immature, but that's just the way I've always been. I guess I'm just an emotional person?

bla

What a shocker--I was floated today! To a med-surg floor! aughhh it was horrible! I had 6 patients with a tech for 4, but believe me, when you go from 4 to 6, it is a big difference. Plus, when you're on a different floor you're already discombobulated as it is, sigh. I didn't eat lunch. The charge nurse of that floor told me I could leave at 3 (woo), but then my charge said another MED SURG floor needed me *headdesk*. So, at 3, I merrily (pft) made me way to the other floor and began taking report.
The floor was incredibly unorganized, no where to sit. You have to stand with a stupid little table against the wall. We at least have places to sit and chart, etc. THEN, the charge nurse called me over halfway through my report and said they had someone....so I went home and here I am.
If I would have stayed there is no way I would have eaten. I had oatmeal with pb toast before work and then at around 10:30, I had half of a whole grain bagel, half of my yogurt, and half of my banana (only half of everything because I kept getting called and I had a patient being transferred). And so then from 10:30 until when I got home I had NOTHING. There was no time. I need to count down the days until I'm in the ICU!!
Hey, I may not have time for anything then, but at least my job will actually be stimulating.




Since I got home before sunset for once, I went for a 30 minute walk on the Pinellas Trail to clear my head!

hemp, salad, cupcakes!

This morning I got in an awesome run on the treadmill. Truthfully, running is not my thing, but I was feelin' it this morning and it felt great! I did some ab work and such after. All of this was at the gym in my apartment complex. I love going there when I am lazy and don't feel like driving to Shapes.

I received a package in the mail today!


It was some lovely samples from Nutiva!! I'm so exited to review this stuff and let everyone know how they are..
They sent me hemp protein, coconut oil, and hemp seeds!


We tried the hemp seeds on our salad this afternoon and they definitely were tasty!







Dessert were these "snow balls." Tasted JUST LIKE A LARA BAR!




Later, we went to this cupcake place downtown. It was cute:





It was very pink!
Truth be told, we both agreed the vegan cupcakes from VCTOTW were actually way better.
Score one for the vegans!
We shared the S'mores and red velvet cupcakes.





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I need to work tomorrow and probably Sunday (I haven't seen the schedule), so my posts may be few. I'm definitely going to be working on something related to materialism and consumption. Stay tuned!

Heal the world

Another lazy day!

But what is with the world? I can't believe MJ died! I mean, it isn't terribly shocking and I'm sure we'll learn something else that was going on, but man, he is such a legend. I never expected for him to die so early in my own life. It is like Elvis dying!
Really, sucks.

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I called my manager this afternoon to tell her the good news. She was very congratulatory and saying she was proud of me. A little later, I called HR to get the number of the ICU manager so I could thank her and HR said she just got off the phone with MY manager who saying how proud she was! Made me feel good.
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I went to yoga this morning and was delighted to find the Sunday instructor teaching. Love her! Felt great after. When I came home, I made a yummy Green Monster consisting of: kale, pineapple, banana, flax, and coconut milk.
On the side, I munched on some lemon hummus with Kashi toasted asiago crackers.
I love the green color of this smoothie!




Before dinner this evening, I decided to organize some of the drawers in the kitchen.

Before and After



Next was my silverware drawer. I didn't even realize it, but the holder was upside down...der! A lot of the silverware is missing because it was in the dishwasher. How do drawers get so gross??

Before and after:




In conclusion, my life is very exciting...haha!

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Dinner tonight was random. I just threw together a bunch of things, like garlic, evoo, white wine, grape tomatoes, basil, rosemary, mushrooms, lemon and zest and then tossed it in whole grain pasta. Pita bread and salad with carrots on the salad.


The two loves of my life:

not dead

I'm not dead! I didn't post yesterday because I was just so relieved about getting the position. Mirza and I saw Transformers and just hung around. Actually, I was exhausted yesterday, which doesn't make a lot of sense because I didn't work or do anything crazy; I got enough sleep and everything
I think I have been so overwhelmed with trying to get into CCIP that yesterday I hit a wall.
Hopefully I can get back to my normal self!
I'm excited because the people at Amazing Grass are sending me out some samples! Review to come, of course.
About to start the day with some yoga and Extreme training later at 4:30.


Mirza bought us some goggles for the pool:


blub blub..

Today I will attempt to recreate the Incan wrap with some delicious quinoa. Need to enjoy my days off!!
Two months until I start my dream job!


Edit
PS: I just found out that I got offered another position at my hospital, too! I figured that manager would offer me the position because the interview went well. To me it did, anyway. But since I had already picked my first choice, that was that. Hey look, I don't suck, yay!

Wow, i am beyond freakin' shocked. HR called. She was like, "Hi Nicole, how did your interviews go today?" All disgruntled I told her, "oh good, but I have one more on Thursday since she had to reschedule." She said, "oh really ok. Well, I just heard from So and So (manager of ICU, first interview that I bombed, which was my first choice) and she wants to offer you the position."

WHAT? I told her I was quite surprised because I thought that I did horrible in the interview~!!! She said there was only one spot open, so I must have done well!!

>>>>so shocked<<<<
I had already pushed that position out of my mind and was getting used to the idea of working at my current hospital since the interview went much better.


wow, i don't even know what to think. Maybe the other interviewers were just SO bad that I was their only choice????

Interview #2: Complete.

I felt so much better about this one. It was just me and the manager, who I met yesterday when I was floated and it was much more down to earth. It wasn't like I was being interrogated from a list of vague, stupid questions taken off the internet. I felt she liked me, too and she saw how flexible I was yesterday with floating from ICU to CCU, so that is good. I'm happy this one went much better than the last. And if I got an offer from the other people and this one, then i would go with this one even though it wasn't my first choice. It might be a better transition since I know the doctors and everything already.
My feet hurt.

Interview

Interview #1: complete.

ugh, I felt horrible. It was a panel-type interview. The manager with 4 other nurses all asking me questions from their little list. All of the questions seemed so vague to me, like, "Tell a time when you were compassionate..." ugh. what? How can I not answer this vague? I'm a nurse, I AM ALWAYS COMPASSIONATE. Every time they asked me to name a specific time, it is like my mind went blank and I could only mutter some dumb-ass answer. They didn't ask me hardly any clinical questions, mostly questions like the one above or, "tell a time when you had a conflict..." or "tell a time when someone was angry with yo and how you handled it...".
I am pretty sure this interview was a big failure. I feel so dumb. Now I need sit around and wait for my next interview 1pm, so I can go make another huge fool out of myself.

Floating

Today I floated...and you'll never guess to where??


I floated in the pool!

haha ok lame joke. For real, today I got floated to...DUN,DUN, DUN...the INTENSIVE CARE UNIT!!
When I walked in and saw my last name on the board with "ICU" behind it, I thought, no surprise there. I felt like it was done on purpose almost to test me!! As if it was the first part of my interview.
I took two patients, one icu and one tele who I later transferred to the floor. It was so awesome. I love working in the unit. You know everything going on with your patients and I felt so much more involved!!
I met the manager who I will be interviewing with TOMORROW, so that was nice!
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AND THEN, I FLOATED AGAIN? To where, you ask? THE CCU (critical care), OF COURSE! 3-7 I was there with only ONE PATIENT. Apparently they thought the assignment would change, but it didn't, so for 4 hours it was just me and my one ICU patient, who was mostly stable, except for his extensive history and literally 13 stents. He told me the Guinness Book of World Record is 18, so he is 5 off. He is a massive heart attack waiting to happen at any moment. And open heart won't touch him due to his weight and obviously other issues. They said he would have like a 2% chance of survival.
I have to admit that going from my usual of 4-5 patients and running around like a chicken with my head cut off to ONE patient was hard. I felt bored!! However, I made myself useful and helped the other nurses with things like ekg's, paperwork, and accuchecks. I did what I could.
When I returned back to my normal floor to retrieve my things I found out that my manager told them to send me early this morning.
And now, I am going to eat some cupcakes and prepare for tomorrow's interviews.
Wish me luck.

ps: I have kind of a "confession" of sorts. I think I am more nervous tomorrow about what I am wearing than the actual interview! haha, I have a great white suit from Ann Taylor and shoes that go great with it too, but the shoes are heels and just so uncomfortable! I don't know, I just hope I don't look like I'm trying too hard. I will take a picture in the morning.


ok, I couldn't wait because I wanted some opinions. This is my suit. Keep in mind I will have my hair down nice and pretty and makeup...and I just worked 13 hours in this photo, so just ignore my entire head completely. what do you guys think?

End of the weekend

Don't you just hate when you have a couple of great days off, having the time of your life and then it has to end abruptly for work? Bah! Mirza and I had the best 4 days, but I guess I cannot complain since most people only get 2 days off per week. Sigh.
Today was a lazy day for the most part. However, I did start on an active note. Around 10, I went on a 4.5 mile bike ride in the sweltering heat. The cardiovascular aspect was nice, but besides that? Pure torture! The humidity must be 100%. It was horrible!! My face was beet red and my clothes were drenched when I got home.

The rest of the day consisted mainly of cleaning and being lazy.
I made a smoothie with: coconut milk, blueberries, strawberries, flax meal, and about half a piece of ginger! Really, delicious.



I definitely indulged in some more cupcakes today too~!







I thought the vanilla ones tasted much better today!


I must say, I am feeling incredibly nervous for this week. Tuesday I have two interviews for the Critical Care Internship Program (CCIP) and my final one on Thursday. I'm mostly worried since there will be other nurses applying and to me, if those nurses have more experience, it just seems obvious that they will take them over me. However, I WANT this and I think I can portray that in my interview and I definitely tried my hardest to prove it with my portfolio, as well. There's not much left to do at this point besides show up looking fabulous and professional to the interview and try not to say anything completely stupid...right?
If it doesn't work out, I wonder what I should? I am contemplating just going back to school for my master's because I don't want to delay the process any longer. However, I know I want Critical care experience! I'm so torn. Also, it is more than likely that I will need to work nights at first for CCIP, which is a complete turn off for me, but I am willing to do it if I have no real choice.
-----STRESS------

This evening Mirza had to buy new strings for his guitar, so we went to Sam Ash and stopped at the Fresh Market on the way home since it is close.
I bought some extra things so I can recreate the "incan sandwich" I bought the other day at Nature's Finest. I'm feeling drained right now though, so I'll probably just have a pb sandwich for lunch tomorrow:(
I bought a new bag and was also delighted to see Food, Inc. advertised on the Stonyfield farms yogurt!




When we got home, we went for a quick swim and then I made mini pizza's using pita bread, tomato sauce, left over Romano and Parmesan cheese, and topped them with mushrooms and grape tomatoes. On the side was just a simple salad with roasted red pepper dressing.


Hopefully I can relax the rest of the night. "The Next Food Network Star" is on tonight! I will probably DVR it and watch tomorrow. I watched the first two episodes...anyone else?