lcd

I got an LCD (low census day) for 8 hours. There is the slightest possibility that I may need to go in from 3-7, but probably not.
Yesterday was so hard. I mean, I felt so powerless and ineffective. Yes, I did everything I was supposed to, but I ran the entire day. I feel like the patients did not get the best possible care. There is no way to know everything that is going on with each person when you have 6 patients! That is 6 diagnoses, 6 long histories, 6 assessments, orders, etc to cram into your brain. Truly, it isn't possible. I don't know how some nurses do that. I am sure they DO NOT know everything going on with their patients because they can't, but that isn't the kind of nurse I imagined myself to be. I did not become a nurse so I could just check off things on my list to do. It is too task-oriented on med-surg. Not to mention the fact that everyone was miserable! One of my elderly patients was so deaf and blind that everytime I tried to speak with her and tell her what I was doing, she would interrupt me and be like, "WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! oooh more pills???"
"Yes, I have your morning pi--"
"JUST GIVE THEM TO ME ALREADY...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT IS THIS??"
And then she insisted on new water. She wouldn't use the water bottle at her bedside. Since it was a cdiff room, I was gowned up, so someone had to get me a pitcher of water.
I tried to explain to her while we waited about the lovenox injection.
"*screaming* I need to give you this injection. It is lovenox, a blood thinner that will prevent you from getting a clot while you're in the bed"
"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO GIVE ME PILLS WITHOUT WATER."
"I'm not, this is an injection that goes into your abd--"
"DON'T GIVE ME ANY PILLS WITHOUT WATER, JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!"
"This isn't a pill, it an injec--"
"YOU WANT TO GIVE ME AN INJECTION?? WHAT THE SHIT!!!??"
And then she kept swearing at me and everyone else. "What kind of shitty place is this? WHERE IS MY FUCKING BREAKFAST?? AAUGH"
When the water finally came, she insisted that I pour the pitcher into tiny little water bottles. Sorry, but I refused to do that. I told her she had cups and that was fine. "WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS PLACE?!!?!???"

And when I had to float to the other med-surg floor, I was dead. At one point, while standing there listening to phone report, I almost thought I was going to cry from being so overwhelmed. That would have been 12 patients in one day. Actually, *calculating* 14 because of admissions and discharges previously on my shift. Luckily, I was able to hold back my tears and stop being a baby.
That is hard for me because I'm one of those people who cannot hold in tears easily. I know it sounds immature, but that's just the way I've always been. I guess I'm just an emotional person?