Green smoothie!

My first attempt at a green smoothie. Included: organic curly kale, organic pineapple, mangoes, and banana with one tablespoon of ground flax. Delicious! Definitely need a new blender though.
Here are a few other random photos from throughout the week:

Inspiration

Current inspirations and interests:
-Kris Carr's documentary Crazy, Sexy, Cancer, as well as her blog.
-Vegan and raw inspired dishes
-Green juices
-YOGA
-Photography
-Happiness!!!

I often wonder why people spend so much on books when there are thousands sitting for free in the library! Or even spending $4-5 at Blockbuster when you could possibly get it free! It is amazing. People really need to take more advantage of their libraries. I know all libraries aren't that great or up-to par, but with a little digging, I think one could find amazing and informative books, dvd's, music, etc. Look into it everyone and stop spending mindlessly.
And stop eating mindlessly too:)

bummed

I am totally bummed and disappointed. I applied for CCIP, which starts in March. I found out today that for this time, they only want nurses with a minimum of one year experience:( It sucks!! Now I need to wait until the next one, which won't be until August.

The only good news is that today I got moved to a CN1, so I got a raise (after 3 months!!).

thankful

I got my first gift from a patient the other day!! I was so surprised. It was actually from a family member. A little teddy bear, mug, candy and a thank you card for "taking such good care of my mom."

It made me feel like...yay, I don't suck as a nurse!!

by myself!!

I am on my own now!! I had two days by myself and actually, it is so much better. Everything is on my schedule and I do things when I want them and how I want them. I was terrified at first, but now...okay, now still kind of scared, but working through it. And I think I'm doing pretty good too because after my first day, two of my patients requested to have me again for today and one took down my name because she said she wanted to send me a card!!!
Also, in the cafeteria I saw Sandi and a group of med surg 1 USF students. aw, it made me smile so much because I know how they feel. I just told them to stay in school because it's worth it!!!

OOH and today I had a patient who was 100!! I loved him. All day yesterday and today he would ask me when he was leaving and I would tell him, then he would, without fail, say, "oh you're going to miss me!!" and I would say YES OF COURSE, and he would laugh or say, "No, I'm only kidding." lol. aaha.

Life has been absolutely wonderful since getting my license. I am set up with an awesome preceptor and I feel like everyday I grow as a nurse. I still feel that my heart belongs in critical care, but I have to start somewhere and I feel that tele is definitely the perfect stepping stone. I should probably be finished with orientation by the end of November, so I still have about a month to go.

Besides the nursing "stuff," everything in life seems to be falling into place. I moved into my first real apartment on October 9th and I've slowly been organizing and what-not. It is a definite work-in-progress, but I am young and I have time to decorate!!:)
Here is a link to a slideshow: http://www.flickr.com/photos/31987402@N07/sets/72157608602952647/show/

When I moved, I had a ton of help from Mirza's family and friend, Z. He gave me a lot of furniture, as did Mirza's mom, Alma. I am so grateful for them. Yesterday, Mirza and I headed over to JoAnne's with the intent of finding new fabric to cover a dining room set Z gave me. This was my first attempt at any sort of "re-upholstering," but I think the end result came out great!

What do you think?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31987402@N07/sets/72157608603296957/show/

Also, I never really posted any pics from graduation, so here are a few:

RN

I PASSED!!

I'M A REGISTERED NURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Nicole, RN, BSN

NCLEX

I take my NCLEX in ONE HOUR FROM NOW.


Results soon to be posted in the following days.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Graduation!

It's official!! I am a college graduate.
I survived nursing school.

Yesterday my graduation and award ceremony at the CON. It was wonderful and fabulous.
I am still debating whether or not to post pictures. We'll see.

I start my job next Monday. Tomorrow I am going to hit the books hard to begin my NCLEX studying.

I feel so proud:)

I graduate in one week! I could not be more excited.
My graduation begins at 1:30. Following that, at 4pm, there is an award ceremony at the College of Nursing. I am getting an award, but not sure for what. I think it's just for honors. Not just, but you know. I can hardly stand the excitement. I just lay in bed and imagine graduating. It's so cheesy, I love it!
My sister and brother in law are flying in on Thursday.

Words can not describe how happy I am with my decision to pursue nursing. Obviously, it's a wonderful career and I'll be helping people, which will be fulfilling. The other reason I am so satisfied with my choice is the security that comes with my new career!! Financial security will feel so good. And benefits? I can go to a doctor and even a dentist in a few months!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

cardiac

My interview went great for the Renal floor, but after, I headed over to the other campus to see what the tele floor was like for the position I was already offered. I loved both places, but I am choosing cardiac!! Ultimately, I feel it offered the best stepping stone into critical care. The other nurse manager was kind of discouraging me from going into the internship very soon, she wanted me to stay for a year. However, the tele floor nurse was totally for me going into critical care and said I should try as soon as I am eligible next time. I love when people are understanding!

So, now I just need to decide if I want to start working early as a "PCT-new grad" before I get my sit pass, or just wait for my sit pass and start as a GN. I will be paid $22.25 either way, so I think I will start early to start making money.
I'm so excited to be starting where I want (cardiac).
I need to call the recruiter on Monday to let her know my decision regarding starting early. I am eager to learn about my options, as far as 401K, benefits, etc.

I got a job!!

Even though I have three interviews set up next week, I received a call yesterday from the nurse recruiter at the hospital I want to work for and she said the nurse manager on a med-surg tele floor offered me a position!! I still have an interview for another floor, but it is med-surg with urology. The only up-side is that I want to work in Clearwater (urology), but the tele one is at Countryside. Still, I am pretty sure I will choose Countryside since I want that cardiac component!
I'm so excited to finally have a job!!!
I just want to sign some papers now to make it official

Done with everything

It's hard to believe that I am finished with everything. I still have an "information day" on Tuesday, followed by a meeting with my team and instructor on Friday at Chili's (bla), but as far as assignments? FINISHED!!
It's a strange feeling. I wake up and there is no pressure to do anything.
Technically, I should be studying for the NCLEX, but c'mon.
I graduate in 27 days!!

last day

Tomorrow is my last day of clinicals...ever!! I am actually sad though because I really love the CSICU and I had an awesome preceptor.
Currently I am still trying to get a job at this hospital, but census is low right now, so it's turning out to be a lot more difficult than anticipated. Damn summer-time! Meanwhile, I'm applying to other places just in case. I don't qualify for said-hospital's Critical Care Internship this time around because I would need my sit pass by 8/12. I'm debating whether or not I should go for it if another hospital offers me one.
All that I have left now is:
-Finish PAT
-Turn in my forms
-One "seminar"-ie meeting at Chili's with my team
-Information day.

I've already purchased graduation announcements, cap/gown, etc.
eeee!

Last HESI EVER!!!

I am so relieved!! Today I took the all-important HESI. The final one. The cumulative one. It would determine if I could graduate or not. We needed an 850 to pass.
I scored a 1001!!!
I am proud and I feel I can brag about my score without feeling bad about it because I really studied my ass off.
Now I just have to finish this semester and then GRADUATION
AND NCLEX!!

hearts

Yesterday went awesome! My preceptor is really nice. She has been there for 2 years and she graduated from my school, so that is good. She isn't able to take open-hearts yet (meaning fresh out of surgery for the first few hours), but we still had one critical patient and one step-down. I was mostly just trying to absorb everything, so I didn't jump in as much as I would like, but tomorrow is another day.
The coolest part was when another nurse got an open heart patient, so I went in the room for approximately 4 hours while he assessed/monitored him and tried to get him extubated. It was soooooooooOOoo cool. And this nurse was awesome. He was definitely into teaching, which was helpful and I liked. I pretty much stood there and told the patient to keep breathing and wiggle his toes to keep him awake so we could finally pull out the tube. I was just really amazed by the whole process. I never realized they extubate them so quickly. Before change of shift, he was already sitting in the chair using his incentive spirometer. I have a lot to learn.
Tomorrow is my second day. I hope it goes okay. My goal is to do more and if my preceptor has a stepdown/tele patient then I want to take him/her and be more proactive. Also, if another nurse gets an open heart, then I definitely want to come in the room and "help."
I can't wait until I just KNOW all this awesome stuff.

first day tomorrow.

In less than 12 hours from now I will be starting my preceptorship! I'm really nervous. I don't know why though because it's not like they're going to leave me alone or anything crazy with ICU patients, but I am worried about my preceptor and whether or not she will think I am stupid. Also, I am worried because I hope she is a good teacher in general.
Once I get the first day over, it will probably be a lot easier.

getting nervous!!!!!

I finally have my preceptor name and schedule. Now, I just need to pass my med calculation exam on Tuesday and I can begin preceptorship. I am starting to freak out just a little bit though. For one, June 3rd is the final HESI. We need an 850 to pass. I have always gotten above 850, so I have no reason to worry, right? Right~! Wrong. I keep thinking worse case scenario: Failure. And then failure a second time means redoing the entire semester.
OH and I keep worrying about the med calc exam even though I have never failed one. Why do I worry? Why? Because it's getting down to the home stretch and I am so close I can taste it. I just don't want to fuck this up.

Tomorrow, hell is officially over!
I'm sorry, but peds/OB was a total downer for me.
I cannot wait to get back into the swing of things. After my women's health HESI, I will be moving back to St.Pete to save money until I graduate and begin working as an RN. I CANNOT WAIT!!
However, I'm super stoked about preceptorship. I haven't received any information about my preceptor yet, but I know I'm in the CSICU. I can't wait to deal with adults and actually interesting things. I'm excited to begin learning things that will benefit me in my life as a nurse.
I just paid a crap-load of money Monday for KAPLAN. It's required by my school. Sigh.
I start my FINAL semester on May 12th. Until then, I plan to relax and have fun.
I need it. Truly.

I'll try to keep this updated for my final semester. It should be hectic and nerve-wracking, especially while getting back into the swing of things. ICU=scary, but I'm ready.

peds sucks ass

I am now on a two week spring break! woo.
Why two weeks? well, ever since clinicals ended, I only have class on Wed (and one online class), so I won't need to go back until Wednesday, 18th!
Today I had my second peds exam. I was so nervous and I studied MY ASS OFF. On the first exam I did horrible (76, but with questions thrown out: 82), so I was counting on something higher.
98 baby!
It covered so much information. Almost as much as one entire semester of med-surg. Evil.
But 98, ah. Feels good. And that is with no questions thrown out.

peds, ob, preceptorship, bla

I am a horrible blogger.
Nursing school is moving along quickly. I haven't even looked at my last post, so I can't say where we left off.
I am currently in my peds/OB rotation and lecture. Let's just say it is not my favorite, but I am surviving. My last clinical is this Tuesday because then everyone else will start Community, which I finished during the summer, so I am free!!
I took my med-surg HESI last semester and I got a 98%, which means I get to choose where I complete my preceptorship. After much deliberation, I decided on the CSICU. I had a good experience there, but I am still scared shitless. Part of me wanted to just choose telemetry to gain confidence and skills, but the other part of me feels that I have worked hard to earn my HESI score and I KNOW I want to be an ICU nurse, so...why not?
There are many fears though, like what if the nurses think I am an idiot because I don't know how to do something? What if they think, "Gosh, why did she choose to come here, she should have gone to MS, she knows NOTHING!!"
Silly, I know.

code blue!

omg, I just had a mock code at school in the lab with sim man. IT WAS SO FUN. But holy shit, we had a group of about 50 new students WATCHING US, LIKE AN AUDIENCE! How embarrassing is that?? especially when you don't know what you're doing?! hahah. wow, so funny. We saved the sim man life though. Stan.
The first time we did it, it was a mess and we were bumping into each other, etc. Second time was much better. They said we did like 435 times better than the other team who also had an audience.
You definitely need to be in good shape to do CPR and run a code. I could hardly breathe once I got to 30. Good thing someone else finally decided to start counting along with me!!

Yesterday I was in the MSICU. For the most part it was awesome and I am still sure I want to work in the ICU, but yesterday was a bit boring only because my preceptor's patients were stable and getting ready to transfer.
I was only there for about 15 minutes when this 90 year old called me over to his bed. He said, "I've been watching you....and I just wanted to say, I wish I could go back in time and become your adopted grandpa." aw!
Then this man just would not STOP TALKING. He seriously talked FOR-EVER. He kept going on and on about how life moves too quickly and how he loves one-on-one conversation. Then he was talking about books and he asked every single person if they have seen the movie Soylent Green. He seemed obsessed with this movie. He said he loved words and learning new things everyday. Seriously, I have never met someone so happy, not even for a 90 year old, but for a HUMAN. He was kick ass.
Later, they did an endoscopy at the bed side (he was a GI-bleeder/MI) and they clipped some blood clots that had formed from his billroth II (that is what I got out of it anyway). After, the doctor called me over and handed me 3 color, glossy photos of his stomach for me to keep. I was like, "Oh, is this my souvenir?" haha.

I also saw them insert a swan-ganz catheter.

EMERG-N-C

I'm in the ER tomorrow! I'm excited, but a little nervous. I hope I get to start a lot of IVs, insert a foley, and maybe drop an NGT. I have never had the chance to do an NGT, so I really would like to accomplish this goal.
I will post after clinicals.

critical care

My day in the CCU was so awesome! My preceptor was a male, which I have never really had before, but he was totally cool and you could tell he loved to teach, etc. We had two patients who were stable and self-sufficient, so he said it wasn't a good picture of his normal patients, but I didn't mind because it gave us a chance to discuss a lot of the going-ons of an ICU. Since I thought the ICU was a place I'd like to be, but I was still waiting until I actually went to know for sure, this definitely helped to reiterate this is the place I want to be. However, as I've mentioned in previous posts, lately I've been debating whether I should do the year MS experience or just go straight into a critical care internship program. I know everyone has a different opinion on this, but for me personally, I don't think I would be ready or safe as a new grad in the ICU. Another option that my preceptor brought to my attention yesterday was starting in progressive care first (step-down unit) and then applying for the CCIP!
For some reason I thought these internship programs were only for NEW GRADS, but I was wrong.
I think this is an awesome idea! The reason I am not so keen on MS is because I am going to school for all this time, learning all this neat stuff, but once you go to MS, you're just so busy that it doesn't even give you a chance to honestly learn everything about your patient and apply all the concepts we've learned. All you have time for is passing meds, dealing with paperwork, doctors, and that is pretty much it. The reason I like critical care is the fact that you have to know everything about your patient and you actually get to apply the things you learned in school. HOWEVER, in MS, I could get a lot more experience with time management, brushing up on my skills like foley's, IV's, NGT's, etc. If I can start in a progressive care unit with tele, etc., then this will most likely give me the chance to do all of the these things, as well as not lose all the crap I am learning now. OH, and the hospital I want to work in has a Progressive care course internship program!
I am worried though because I graduate in August and I bet those internship programs begin in May since a lot of people graduate then. I need to look into this.

First MS2 exam

I got an 88%.
pft. It is decent, but considering I stayed on top of reading and reviewing everyday after class, I expected a lot more out of myself. I mean, there isn't much else I could have done. I was studied out, but it would just be nice to see a grade in the 90's again. However, even a 92.4 is a B, soooo.
I wish I could just be happy with my B grade, but I'm not. I have high standards for myself. I don't want to know that I can pass; I want to know that I can kick ass and truly understand this information. 88 means I missed 6 out of 50. The average was 84.9.
ARGHHHHHHHHH.

Semester 3

I need to be much more frequent with my posts!!!

I am officially in my 3rd semester of 5 and things are moving along quickly! This semester I am taking Med-Surg 2 and nursing inquiry (a research course). The summer was good, but a bit boring, which explains my lack of updates. Let's see...
This semester is not as difficult as the previous ones, as far as course load goes, but the content is still hard, as always. I have my first exam on Monday and it covers Hematology and GI. I feel that my work as a PCT on a MS GI/telemetry floor has helped somewhat, but probably not as much as I would like. A classmate and I have been reviewing after each class, so I feel pretty prepared. Usually I am freaking out by now, but I do feel like I have a good grasp of the information; not that I won't be studying my ass off the rest of the weekend, but at least I know I can relax somewhat.
For clinicals, we only spend about 7 weeks on the floor, with the other weeks being filled up with rotations in the heart cath lab, Main OR, CCU, ER, PACU, MSICU, and CSICU. So far I have been to the cath lab and main OR. My regular floor is an oncology MS, but they pretty much get everything, which I like the best. Also, the nurses have been helpful and friendly, which is always great. The best part is the view. The floor overlooks the beach, ah. And when it comes close to 5pm and the sun is lowering, it looks beautiful.
On Tuesday, I was in the OR. I saw: right colectomy with hernia repair, a laproscopic gallbladder removal that turned into an open cholestcystectomy because of too much scar tissue/fat. And please don't hold me to the spelling because I am too lazy to look this up right now. Following that, a quick drainage of a breast abscess. After this, I heard there was going to be a LEG AMPUTATION. This excited me beyond belief. All of my teammates who went into the OR pretty much saw a bunch of gallbladder removals, nothing too exciting, so leg amputation? Pretty exciting stuff! I saw a stent put into an artery and then FINALLY the leg amputation. It was so cool. This guy already had a below the knee amputation, so they were just removing what was left plus above the knee. I was amazed by how quickly it was done. They just cut it open, and pretty much electrically sawed it off. The surgeon handed the stump to the nurse and he put it in a what looked like a bucket that you used to play with on the beach!!

So, I've been contemplating the future A LOT lately, especially in regards to what area of nursing I want to work in. In 4 more weeks, I am in the ICU and I honestly feel like that is where I would like to be. However, I have such conflicting gut feelings about getting experience first in MS or going straight to ICU through all the great orientation/internship programs that are offered. I honestly do not think I would be ready or safe for the ICU, but if that is what I want to do, then I will be trained. However, if I go straight to MS and then to ICU, I would have missed out on a cool critical care internship.
Decisions!!!!
I still have 4th semester, which is OB/Peds/Women, so who knows? Maybe my entire choice will change, but I highly doubt it.

rock this town.

You know what I hate?? When someone is alert, yet confused and someone will talk about them like they aren't there. For instance, today I was with a male tech and this one woman could respond (most of the time) to questions, but she was a bit disoriented. Anyway, she was incontinent of urine, so he and I were changing her bed and getting her cleaned up while she was still in it. Now, this woman will literally be smiling and then within the snap of a finger, she will look like she is praying and then BAM---bawling!! So of course, she starts to cry and I am holding her hand while he is trying to clean her up and he is just like, "Makes you look forward to old age, huh?" I was like..ha yeah, but I was actually kind of like...annoyed. I mean, this woman is exposed to the world (ok, maybe just me and him, but either way, no one likes to be exposed like that), she is obviously having some anxiety issues, crying, and all he can say is some smart ass comment like she isn't even in the room?
Seriously. I don't like that. Yeah, she may be confused and it is frustrating dealing with mentally unstable patients, but they are still human, geez.

I learned that coworkers can ruin a good thing. Like I said, I like my job so far and pretty much everyone has been helpful and/or nice, but you know how someone can have a bad attitude and it just irks you? Well, I learned to focus on the patient because--truly, there are some very grateful and cool people out there who are happy for your help. Of course there are some people who will never be satisfied, but if I just really focus on the positive patients, who thank me profusely for doing something as simple as helping them take a shower, then I think that will make my job worth doing. Today I got a page that said, "Raspberry Stethoscope is needed in room__." The male tech was like, "Wow, she must like you!" since usually it just says "Room__ needs bathroom/water/whatever." She said she was only comfortable with me! booya.

NAME CHANGE

I just want to inform all of my readers of the NAME CHANGE of this blog. As mentioned before, I am becoming more and more concerned with friends, faculty, and possible coworkers discovering this blog. Since I own a raspberry colored stethoscope, I thought the new name was fitting. It is all I can think of for now. ha.
Any comments?

death

Yesterday one of my patients died. She had been there for awhile and she was DNR, so it wasn't a shock or anything. I don't know what she had honestly, but she had on an oxygen mask and her respirations were like 24, as if she were gasping for air every breath. The last time I saw her I was trying to get a set of vitals, but the machine couldn't pick up a temperature or blood pressure. I guess because she was just too cold from all the blood rushing to her core. After that, a bunch of nurses and PCTs went in the room, but I stayed outside because I didn't want to crowd the tiny room. A few minutes later at the nurses station they told me she was gone. I was kind of interested to see what I would have had to do, like clean the body and bring her down the morgue, but I left at 3, so I never got a chance. It was sad, but also happy because obviously she was quite uncomfortable. One unfortunate thing was that her son was flying in to see her, but he did not make it before she died.

annoying

I am so sick of non-BSN RNs putting down the BSN students. All they ever say is that BSN doesn't have enough hands-on skills or that we don't like to "touch the patient." Whatever the HELL that means. All I know is my friend goes to the local college, is getting her ASN and she has one day a week in a hospital and guess what? I HAVE ONE DAY A WEEK TOO. ALSO, she doesn't even go into the hospital until the second half of the semester, whereas we start from day one and now we have 12 hours. So wherever people are getting this idea,I DON'T KNOW. I think it ultimately comes down to them being self-conscious about someone with a "higher degree." If I went straight from high school to university, why would I get an associates? To me, that was never even an option. In fact, I didn't even know what an associates degree was until I graduated. I don't ever say, "ooh, ASN RNs have less education and they are stupid!" NO, because it is not true. Therefore, I do not appreciate older people putting down my choice and my education. I go to a GREAT school and it is highly competitive, so I'm not going to feel like less of a person just because someone feels bad about their own choices.

End of life issues

I have to write an ethical paper related to end of life issues. I need to present both sides of an issue, etc. Problem is, I can't think of anything interesting to write about. I was hoping everyone could offer some suggestions!:)
I want to do something unique since I am sure the majority of people will be focusing on assisted suicide, DNR, advance directives, etc.

These are the guidelines:
a. Dilemma must be an ethical/legal issue relevant to nursing
b. Make sure you state BOTH sides of the ethical dilemma Remember, each side of an ethical dilemma has at least one “good” position; that is what makes it a dilemma.
c. Each side of the dilemma should be supported by factual material i.e. nursing statutes, Florida state statutes or laws (or another states legislation), ANA standards, the Nurse practice act, peer-reviewed journal articles, research articles, etc.
d. There should be evidence of using the ethical decision making processes discussed in class for example the one listed in the text, the ANA code of ethics, the ANA position statement.
e. Your position should be CLEARLY stated). The best way you can present your opinion is to be able to discuss why the other opinion is ‘less correct’, as well as why yours is better.
f. How the outcome of the dilemma might impact nursing practice

Hola!

Wow, so today I had about 8-9 patients and half of them were spanish speaking only!!! 4 out of 8, that is crazy. I need to learn spanish! I took two years in high school and two semesters in college, but I pretty much let the bucket go dry on that one and forgot everything I knew. Well, not EVERYTHING. I still know quite a lot compared to nothing, but when you need to say medical-type phrases or ask questions, it is hard.
I'm thinking of purchasing a medical spanish book to refresh and learn some new phrases that related to medical/nursing stuff.

I might be a bit sick in the head.

Today was my second day on the floor. I worked with an older black woman named Mary*. She was very nice. At first it seemed like she wasn't going to be much help to me, but as time progressed, I saw how she was and I like her. Surprisingly, the day was incredibly slow and somewhat boring. We had about 7-8 patients, but most of them could do everything for themselves. I did get to see a chest tube taken out, so that was pretty cool. That is one awesome thing about my floor is I see a wide variety of things, so I get to learn. I swear I didn't do much today, except vitals, helped a woman bathe, and kind of observed. The last like 2 hours were sooo quiet. I basically sat with this very talkative 45 year old woman because there wasn't much else to do. She had a great sense of humor and she was sarcastic, so we got along. I'm sure I'll see her Sunday, when I work next.
I finished all my ethical-legal for the week, so I have nothing to do Saturday. I suppose I could work on a paper or project, but pft. My boyfriend is away for a month and a week, so I am lonely.

Maybe it is only because I'm still a student and I'm learning, but when I compare my experience with the hospital to the outpatient clinic--I definitely love the hospital a lot more. I think when I become a NP, I would rather work in a hospital. However, I might change my mind after working in the hospital for so many years.

Something happened today that made me feel like maybe I was a bit morbid. When I arrived on the floor, the other PCT told us that a patient had just died and they brought him/her down to the morgue. I thought to myself, "Damn, I missed it!!!" I know, it is horrible, but I want to experience these things!!

Oh, one nice thing about today--when I left, a patient actually hugged me goodbye and thanked me a lot for helping her, so that felt nice.


I keep thinking of more things to add to my entry, but I just wanted to say how much starting my job has made me miss clinicals. When I'm there, I keep looking for opportunities to do things, but then I remember--I'm in a PCT role and I am not acting as a student RN. I want to go to clinicals, so I can start IVs, do assessments, give meds, feel smart, etc! I always knew I liked this stuff, but I am realizing how much more I like it now. I just want more experience to better my skills, I suppose.

*Name changed*

Hello everyone!
It has been far too long and I apologize. I've been a busy little girl. I got a job at a great hospital only 15 minutes away as a PCT in an "internship" program, which basically just means I get to make my schedule and they are very flexible. I've only had one day on the floor so far and I basically followed around the PCT. I'm finding it kind of difficult only doing PCT stuff and not actual nursing stuff, but it is a good learning experience nonetheless.
School? Incredibly boring. My community nursing lecture is...so.bad. The information isn't that horrible, but the professor is a major bore and she does not respect us much either. The other class I am taking is online Ethical-Legal Nursing, which has some okay reading, but then it is just quizzes, discussion board, and a paper, so it isn't all that exciting. I am doing a geriatric based community clinical at the very big local cancer hospital, working one-on-one with a nurse practitioner. The experience is nice, but I don't feel like I am doing all that much, except observing. Overall, I'd say this summer is boring. However, me and another student are doing a project for Commnity and we might make a brochure that could potentially be printed for the clinic, so that is exciting.

Lately, I've been getting nervous about someone finding this blog, so I want to change my name. ANY SUGGESTIONS? I would like for it to include the Student nurse or nursing student theme.

Semester 2 of 5: FINISHED

I finished the semester yesterday around 8:45.
My final grades are:
Med-Surg: 85 B
Psych nursing: 94 A
Pharm: 90 B

I managed to get a 970 on my psych HESI and a 1017 on my pharm hesi.

WOO FOR SUMMER (even though I start summer school in about 10 days).

the end is near!

Thanks everyone for the comments on my previous entry. I know that nursing is a tough career--physically and emotionally. I am not some idealistic nursing student with unrealistic expectations about the career I am throwing myself into.

With that, I am moving on.

This week coming up I have no exams, but then the following week I have an exam every single day, except Tuesday.
Last week I got an 86 on my MS exam, so even if I get a 100% on my final, I will only have a 92 (B) in the class. Now, I just need to make a 73% to get a B in the class, which will happen easily.
Pharm--I got a 98 on my cardiac exam. Highest grade in pharm yet. I am pretty sure I'll be getting an A in this class unless the HESI kicks my ass. Today I plan to work on the study guide.
Psych--90% on the final, so I need about an 88% on the HESI for my A. I have heard the psych HESI is easy, so I hope I can pull it off.
Time to get moving.

hmm, disgruntled much?

I just received an email (to a place I don't normally receive email) from obviously someone who is very disgruntled and bitter about the nursing profession. I thought I would share it with you all:

Dear Nicole,

I just found your blog and have enjoyed reading it very much. You seem like a very intelligent, idealistic person with a lot to offer the world.

However, your comments regarding the person in intake who was lamenting the way things are in the nursing profession worries me. I hope you do not get too disillusioned when you graduate and start working and you get the eye-opener that is the first nursing job. I saw you were recently taking three patients. Try caring for eight or nine, all of whom are ridiculously sick and your floor is shortstaffed. When you ask management for the staff you are "supposed" to get according to the hospital's staffing grid, they will tell you they will "see what they can do" but nothing ever gets done about it and meawhile you are left holding the bag. What are you going to do if more than one of your patients start coding at the same time? If something happens, no matter how perfectly and how well reasoned your clinical skills and decision making are, if one of those people dies it will be blamed on you, and be your fault, because "you're the nurse! Why didn't you do X, Y, Z" which of course naturally would have solved the probelem of how you are going to be in two places at the same time. And why didn't you catch the DOCTOR'S mistake in time? and don't forget about your other six patients who also have problems going on.

I am very sorry to hear about your classmate getting attacked. I hope she is OK. But please don't kid yourself regarding that psych patient that attacked your friend/classmate. People with psych issues walk among us every day, not all of them are safe in the psych ward and not all the people who attack are mentally ill. Some are just mean. My first year out of school I had a co-worker whose little old lady patient (who did NOT have psych issues btw) attacked her by trying to strangle her with the stethoscope worn around her neck during her morning assessment. And even if you are not physically attacked, you will definitely be verbally attacked by patients and their families, and often physicians. And don't forget the little old men who like to pinch butts or try to 'kiss the nursie".

Anyway, if nothing else, do yourself a favor-- go to the local courthouse and listen to the malpractice cases being heard. I guarantee it will scare the hell out of you. Just last fall there was a nurse in Wisconsin who was charged with a felony with possibility of jail time for a medication mistake. While you are young, while you are still in school, and still have time to make a change, do it. I would love to be able to recommend the nursing profession as you are right, the world does need nurses, but I cannot do it because what that nurse in intake was saying is TRUE.

If you still want to be a nurse, more power to you, but please really think about what you are doing. There are other, equally wonderful ways to make a difference in medicine. Nuclear medicine, radiology-(especially CT or MRI!) , sonography, pharmacy, are great ways to contribute to the field. But please don't buy into the imagery of what the hospital industry would want you to believe nursing is, because it is all a marketing lie. Even when you are in school- even in your last practicum- you are still so INSULATED from the realities and the level of unrealistic expectations that you will not be able to see how things really are until that graduation ceremony is a well worn memory and the celebration of passing your boards is, too. You will not see it because it is intended that way. If it was shown to people training for the profession beforehand, no one would do the job, and hey, the world needs nurses. How many nurses do you see running BACK to the bedside? Not many, I bet.

The funny thing is, I used to think the way you do about nursing.

One last thought in closing: Do the math. Literally.

Median wage of a nurse= in Florida about $24. New grads of course, start MUUUUUCH lower. MAybe $18. But start with the median.

$24 divided by the number of patients assigned to you as a full assignment (conservatively 7 on med surg) remember, you are responsible for these peoples' LIVES.
Grand total? $3.42

Yep, the hospitals are paying you $3.42 per patient per hour for all those nursing skills you are studying so diligently to acquire. A babysitter gets more than that. And the approximate base charge to the patient for a day's stay in hospital bed, not counting meds, treatment, etc= $1500/day. What's wrong with this picture???

Just a thought.

Good luck to you in however you choose. But choose wisely, as said in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Kelly

Why this person chose to pick me out of all the 4353543 different student nurse blogs, I don't know. All I do know is that I really do not care, so please do not email me again. Also, I find it quite disturbing to think this person took such the time to write out this letter. Honestly, I didn't even have time to read all of it when I posted it. What are people thinking writing something like this to me??

OH OK, I THINK I WILL CHANGE MY ENTIRE CAREER NOW BASED ON WHAT YOU SAID!! Yeah, Mom, I decided to quit nursing school because KELLY sent me an email telling me how shitty my life is going to be? You know, I should just jump off a bridge now because my life is obviously going to suck a lot. What? Who is Kelly? Yeah, no idea.
C'mon people, seriously.
Also, I am only semester 2 and we're only supposed to have 2 patients, so when I took 3, I was pretty damn proud of myself, so please do not take that away from me, whoever the hell you are. And why do people always comment on the entry about the guy attacking my friend? And yes, I realize psych patients are everywhere, they have reiterated this point to us over and over and over and over to the point if I hear it one more time, I just might vomit.

Now, it is 7am and I need to go dry my hair because I have class at 8 am and an exam at 12pm. I hope I pass so I can make $3.42 an hour!!! wow, what a dream.

recap

I know, it's been far too long since my last post. I've been keeping extremely busy with school, but everything is beginning to come to a rapid end.
Let me recap.
Last week I finished almost everything that needed to be done for both MS and psych clinicals: case studies x 2, AA meetings, SOAP notes, etc. I am now technically done with MS, but since I missed one day, I need to return this Tuesday. Psych though? FINISHED! woo. I am happy. I did not enjoy psych clinicals all that much. It was pretty boring and when it wasn't boring, it was more scary. Not fun for me.
As far as MS clinicals, I am happy and sad it will be over soon. Happy so I can sleep in and not wake up at 4am on Tuesdays, as well as two days in a row off from school, but sad because I know I am missing out on opportunities to grow and learn more skills. I actually feel like I've been learning a lot. I attempted another IV insertion. Got it in, got the flash of blood, but when I went to hook up the flush thinger, accidently dislogded the catheter--woops. At least I got blood, right??

As far as classes--
MS
-I have a high B, but since we only have one more exam and the final, the only way to bring it up to that 93% would be if I scored like 98% on both, which is highly unlikely. I can live with my B, thank you!
Pharm
-Had a low A, now I have a 91, but we still amazingly have 50% of our grade to go, including the HESI, so I think I can definitely bring it up to an A *crosses fingers*
Psych
-Grades so far: 87.5, 100, 96. This averages to about a 94.5, which is an A. We have one more exam (final) and then the HESI. I think and HOPE I can pull off the A. I heard the HESI for psych is a lot easier.

What's in store for this week? Amazingly--nothing! An entire week of no tests or presentations. I'm enthused. However, the following week is going to be PURE HELL. 3 exams in one week--ms, pharm, and psych. I doubt you'll be hearing from me until hell week is over.

My last day is May 4th, then I am off for about 10 days and summer session starts. I am taking Ethical-legal nursing online, as well the community lecture and a special geriatric based clinical. Usually, community is taken during 4th semester with peds/womens/ob stuff, but we can opt to get it over with early. I thought I might miss out of some aspects of community by taking the geriatric focused one, but I figure I will get it done now with less hassle 4th semester. Also, I live in Florida, so it can't help to learn as much as I can about geriatrics!

OH YEAH and I've applied to a few jobs for the summer.

I am so glad the week is over!
Monday I had my cardiac exam--88%. I can live with that.
Yesterday was my second psych exam, which I was worried about because the first one I got an 87.5, so I definitely wanted to do well, but I've just been way too tired to study the way I should have. Well, I got a 100%!!!! I know it is because she has two bonus questions at the end, woo.
I have one more week and then I am off for Spring Break! Not that I'll be getting much of one considering we have our 3rd MS exam the day we come back--evil.
This thursday is my fourth pharm exam. I am doing pretty well in that class. My grades so far: 97, 91, 96. I'm not too worried. I usually make notecards, but this time I am going to see how I do without them. Mostly just because I am behind on the reading and it takes way too long to make the cards.

My car is broken, so I can't go anywhere. I don't think I will have somoene look at it until NEXT weekend. I just can't deal with that crap when I have tests to worry about.

Goal for the day is to finish pharm reading, study a bit, and then hope to hang out with the boyfriend.

three patients

Today I took THREE patients. We're only supposed to have two, but it just worked out this way. In fact, today went incredibly smooth. I thought I would feel overwheled, but it was awesome. I went in, look at their charts, did their assessments,charted, gave their meds, and then spent the rest of the day helping/doing whatever that had to be done.
I feel like it is all starting to come together--it is much better now that we can pass meds; we're actually learning the role of nurse. I like it a lot.
The night before clinicals I always feel nervous/anxious, which makes no sense because it is always good, but for the past few weeks, I've secretly been excited to go because I can feel myself getting better! However, when that alarm goes off at 4:10am, I don't exactly share the same sentiments:)
I never talked about my patients all that much--maybe I should give an overview of them or something. First, I'm on a telemetry/MS floor that focuses on strokes.
Patient 1-CC=dyspnea
Patient 2-CC=pulmonary embolism/rectal bleed/lung CA
Patient 3-CC=Afib with RVR

I hate psych clinicals

Today I had psych clinicals and we left early because my friend was attacked by a patient! argh, it was horrible. I don't feel like typing out the entire story again, so I am just going to copy and paste an AIM convo I had, minus the screennames, so I'm sorry if the story isn't grammatically correct or sounds dumb.


oh man it was horrible..soo it was me, L, T, and A on the adult floor, which i have yet to be on. i felt weird as soon as i got on the floor bc the nurses and techs were just weird in general..then we were doing vitals and this tall black man kept coming over and talking to tammy and i..he seemed ok, then he would grab his penis and be like.."you want this, you want this!" we just moved until he was told to go into his room..so we were kind of freaked out from that. then the patients went to breakfast so we sat in the tv room. well, we were at the table and lindsey was to my left and then tammy was at the end of the table. then this guy in a wheelchair who apparently is retarded wheeled in. he was gross. he had food all over himself and on his hands and he would talk very weird..he'd be like, "I AM GOING HOME TODAY!!" but it was very hard to understand him...anyway, he wheeled in and he sat between L and T.
He was like HI I AM ROB and he shook their hands, then he tried to kiss them and they were liek NO, we cannot do that, no touching, etc. he was like "YA WE CANT TOUCH, I KNOWWW, I WANT TO HUG, BUT I KNOW WE CANT." he seemed harmless you know..then lindsey got up to wash her hands since he had just kissed it and he was gross. then he was just sitting there for a few minutes with a smile on his face, he reached his arm behind tammy to like put it around her shoulder or pat her, i dunno and then he fucking SNAPPED and he fucking grabbed her hair with all his might and he pulled her down, then he was trying to bite her and he was biting the air making this horrible noise like AARGG ARGGGH, like an animal
I jumped up so quick and i was screaming STOP IT STOP IT and i was trying to pulled his hand off the death grip he had on her hair, but he tried to bite me!! so i started screaming HELP HELP, you know.then like 6-7 nurses/techs came in and they were all over him, on the table, etc trying to pry him off and he is just like biting at the air and screaming like an animal! Then they finally got him off. oh and the whole time the otehr patients are like yelling PUNCH HIM OUT, HIT HIM IN THE FACE!!!!
I was so shocked. it felt unreal. when it was happening i was just like what the hell..is this for real!!
It was scary as hell. he turned into like an animal!
I am not going back on that floor, i dont care
--did anyone actually get bitten?
yeah supposedly this tech got bit through his gloves
but i didnt see it
--but none of you guys?
it took them forever to get him off
no thank god
--good
but T had a huge welt on her head bc he was pulling her hair so hard
---how old was this person?
if she hadnt been holding her hair at the root then he would have ripped it out of her scalp, no doubt
i dont know, it was hard to tell bc he was so weird..maybe 30-40
i was so scared! i was shaking so hard. i thought i was going to cry lol

then we remembered how earlier they were watching the movie blade, about vampires, so maybe he was being a vampire

and we werent even on the floor long at all..this all happened before 9am

am seriously going to have nightmares lol..especially with the noise and look that he made
he was biting the air going AR AR AR i dont know how to type it out lol..but animalistic..like nawing

IV

My day in clinical was pretty good. I took two patients, did all of the charting, assessments, and the MEDS.
Today I did my first SQ injection for insulin! woo go me. I did it and then I was like, "You were my first injection-EVER!" And everyone laughed and said, "oh yeah tell him after the fact!!" haha.
THEN this male travel nurse on my floor asked if I wanted to start an IV! I was like YES! Friday was the first time we ever even learned how, but that was on a rubber arm. This nurse rocks so much. He didn't make me nervous at all. He sat down with me and walked me through it. It helped that my patient was totally disoriented and old, so he had like no clue what was going on. I got it in really good, but he said to bring it a little LEFT, so I did, but I could never get a flash. Then he pushed it to the RIGHT and got it. He was like, "I'm sorry! I kept saying go left, but I meant right!!" So I ALMOST got it on my first try. I think it is way easier on a real human and not those dumb arms. Anyway, IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! He told me that I did great and that my approach was PERFECT!

wow.

Today was boring for the most past because I was in the ER intake and there were no psych patients, so I basically sat around and talked to the psych RN who was a male. This guy was either burnt out or did not think of nursing very highly. He kept saying things like, "I'm JUST a nurse," how nurses have no power, etc. I was like...what the freakin' hell?! THEN he was like, "you're young, don't do JUST nursing. I would seriously think about medical school or masters program--become a physician!"

WHAT THE HELL?!
First of all--I am not JUST going to be a nurse and it pisses me off when people put down their own profession. We need to advocate for our profession, we need respect. Putting it down does not help the matter. Also, if we can't feel respect for our profession and realize how important our role is then obviously this will not translate well to the public--no one will give us respect and therefore, people will not want to be nurses. THIS WILL NOT HELP THE SHORTAGE.
And to suggest that being a nurse is somehow like being a lower level doctor---what?? It's not even the same profession. GEE, maybe I am proud of the fact that I want to be a nurse, not JUST a nurse either. Be a doctor? Ugh, no thank you.
Some people just shock me.

pharm

I got a 96 on my first pharm exam!
woo.

my mind.

Lately I've been experiencing an influx of emotions. One second I am so pumped to study and do whatever it takes to be the best nurse I can be...and then the next--I just want to do NOTHING. Last night I felt pretty low, but then in class today I got another one of my surges of : okay, I must do this. I will work hard, I am motivated, dun dun dun!!

I came home and finished all of my notecards for pharm. NOW I have Tuesday and Wednesday to actually study (and not just prepare for studying). Although, making notecards really helps the info stick in my brain. I'm one of those people who has to DO IT to learn it, so writing definitely works for me.
We've had lectures on fluid and electrolytes/ABG all of last week and then today in every class. Wow, I never want to see the word fluid and electrolyte again...oh wait, I'm in nursing school, so that is impossible!!

I definitely want to work as a tech during the summer at a hospital, but I am kind of worried about the committment. For summer, I'm pretty much open (besides summer courses), but once school starts, I don't want to work at all, so I don't know what to tell a possible employee if they ask. I guess I could be PRN, but I'm not sure.

A problem I've been dealing with lately involves negativity. However, it is not even my own negativity--I feel like everyone around me is negative. I am not better than all of them because I am easily drawn into the negativity. But sometimes I just want to be positive and not complain about every little thing or get sucked into drama, but it is soooo easy to get wrapped up in it!! How do I always end up around people who are just as sarcastic as me? I need a change of scenery.

School has been good, but I've been exhausted from waking up two days in a row at 4am for clinicals. Besides that, I rock. Why do I rock? Well, I have been managing to read ahead, which is a miracle.
I passed my med calculations exam, so now all I have is the motor exam and then I am free to pass meds in the hospital. Watch out everyone.
My first real exam is next week--Pharm on Thursday. I'm getting ready right now to drive to the library, study for about 3 hours, and then hang out with the boyfriend.

I love 3 day weekends! Especially when they fall right after the first week of school.

The first week went well, to say the least. I already know it is going to be a rough semester. However, I feel incredibly motivated to study, learn, and be the best nurse I can be!
My goal for the semester is to truly LEARN and understand what the hell is going on. I plan to read all assigned readings for the week during the weekend. This way, I can focus on studying during the week and listening more intently during class time. I'm almost done with the reading for this upcoming week. I will say--7 more hours and I'll be done. By then, it will be time to sleep since I wake up at 4am for my second clinical day.

NERVOUS!! Last week my regular preceptor was not around, so I had a floating nurse. She was nice and helpful, but I feel like our personalities will not mesh well. I hope my real preceptor is there tomorrow and I hope she is willing to show and teach me all the things she knows, ha.
Even though we're supposed to have our own patients, etc. I feel like if someone handed me a chart and said, "Go," that I would have no idea where to even start. I can't even read half of the stuff in the chart because of poor handwriting. So, I guess that is what's bothering/worrying me the most for right now. I go into clinicals with a dreadful feeling, but once I am there--everything is fine.

Time to begin reading.

first day of MS clinical

I had a good first day. I like this other hospital (it is technically the same hospital, but a separate facility in a different city). I am on telemetry, which is cool because I am interested in that stuff. Finally, male patients!
My preceptor wasn't working today, so I was stuck with some floating nurse who was kind of weird. She seemed angry, but she was cool for the most part. She kind of quizzed me about why we were doing certain things, which was helpful.
Tomorrow we have psych orientation at the same hospital from first semester. I'm excited because we don't have to be there until 9! Also, it just seems like a fun rotation.

1st day of second semester

Tomorrow is the first day of semester 2 of 5! I'm excited.
I finished my drug calculations book, but I haven't began reading for any classes.

alright, I don't really have much to say, except for this, sooo yep. Pretty pointless entry.

school and soup stuff

HAPPY 2007!!!

There's only about 4-5 days until the first day of second semester. I'm excited, stressed, and nervous.
I still haven't worked on my med. calculations book. We have to do the entire thing--it is loooong! I will begin today once I clean, shower, and make sure everything is in order. I wish they would post the syllabus for MS1 and Pharm. Psych is up. I have about 10 chapters to read, but fortunately that class isn't until Friday 1:00, so I am not stressing about it too much.

Hope everyone is having a nice holiday break.
Yesterday I made some apricot lentil soup. It sounds pretty odd, but trust me, it is good. AND 16 GRAMS OF FIBER! WOO.
Here's the recipe:
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Apricot-Lentil-Soup/Detail.aspx

Scrapbook

What does everyone think of starting a scrapbook for nursing school?
I've never made one before, so it would be a new hobby. The only thing is that I don't have a lot of pictures from this past semester, so I don't know. Suggestions?

FINISHED!!!

Final grades:
Fundamentals: 92.4% B
Clinicals: Satisfactory
Physical exam/assessment: 95% A
Pathophysiology: 97%A

WOOOOOOO

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TODAY (AFTER TWO FINALS OF COURSE)!!!!!!!!!

You're know you're in nursing school when/if...

The other week during our presentation, something really made me look around and laugh.
We were all eating pizza, with various toppings while watching a powerpoint presentation on cervical cancer. It was filled with pictures of the cervix, cancer, and other images that no normal person in their right mind would want to see when eating pizza, but damnit--I looked around and everyone was chowing down like it was no big deal.
It was awesome.
Gotta love nursing school.

After yesterday's HESI, I feel like I need to step it up a bit even more for next semester. I mean, I did study extremely hard this semester, but I can't even imagine what the MS-HESI will be like if Fundamentals was that torturous.
I plan on buying my books for Spring on Friday. This way, I'll have them all Christmas break and when I have nothing to do, like when Mirza is working or practicing, I will knock out some chapters. They already posted the psych chapters for the first two days of class. Everyone says that Pharm sucks too, so I better get a start on that as well!
blaaaa
I should really be studying for Patho and Physical assessment right now.
I am just bummed that my 92.4% is staying as it is and my final grade for Fundamentals is a B. 0.6% away from an A.
If I get A's in the rest of my classes though, my GPA will stay the same as it was before nursing school--a solid 3.7.

HESI

I don't give a shit what anyone says, that HESI exam was hard.
First of all, it had questions about the size of needles and shit, which we never ever covered--it sucked!!

I got an 899, which is a 78%. I got the highest out of my group, which is good, I guess. People were getting like 50% and shit.
It says that an acceptable score is 850 and a recommended score is 900, so I was one point away from "recommended."
The average score last semester for Fund was 821. And the average score for the nation was 826, so I did better than 62% of the nation's nursing students, while only 38% of the nation's students had higher scores than me.

THIS BLOWS though because my grade in fundamentals is a 92.37 and I need a 93% for an A!:(
I hope they can somehow throw out questions or something!

Finals week

I have been studying like a mad woman for this Fundamentals HESI. I am going insane. It is now almost 10pm (despite what the dumb time says on my this blog) and I don't know how I feel. I am nervous. The information isn't even hard really, it is just the way they word the questions so DUMB and confusing! arghhhh.
I started studying around 10:30 this morning once I noticed a professor posted an outline of "what to know," which took me until almost 4 to go over . Then at 6 I went to a study group.
I don't know what else to do!?
AAH.
I think I will do a super quick review of all 40+ chapters and then go to bed, wake up at 6:30, review all morning and finally take the dumb thing at 12:00.
I need an 85% to get an A (93%) in the class, which means I can miss 8 out of 55.
Watch me miss 9!

Elder Abuse

Did anyone watch Primetime the other night on ABC ?
They had this thing where they would have someone talk really loud on the phone in a restaurant to see how people would react, or have children be realllly annoying.
One scenario involved a 90 year old man in a wheeelchair with his caregiver (one in scrubs and then one in regular clothes, like a family member) in the park. Then they had the caregiver abuse the old man physically and verbally when someone walked by (he would smack his hands when someone looked away or push the old man in the wheelchair).
Holy crap. It made me really sad. Even though it was fake, I still felt so bad for the old man because you know this type of thing happens all of the time. It made me want to go out and be a gerontologic nurse, haha.
They said out of 100 people, 75 people walked by and only 15 people actually did something, either telling the man to stop or calling 911. Isn't that horrible? I know people can say, "oh yeah, I would do something," but when you get in the situation, it's difficult because for one--the caregiver was a man, so if you're a woman, you might be intimidated. Also, people do not like to get involved with conflict. However, I honestly think I would have done SOMETHING. I mean, GOSH!! It was horrible!!!
As far as the cell phone thing, I probably wouldn't have done anything, except sit there and be annoyed, but for this, I can honestly say something would have been done on my part.

From abc.com: What do the experts say?


The experts agree: Do something. Anything.

"If you're uncomfortable, call police officers or get involved," Gelles says. "Go up to the person on the receiving end of the abuse and say, 'I'm uncomfortable with how you're being treated. … Can I help you?'


If the victim responds, Gelles adds, follow his lead. If he's not capable of responding, turn to the caregiver. Tell the caregiver you're really uncomfortable with his or her behavior and ask for the name of the caregiver's employer.

The caregiver may not recognize that his or her behavior is abusive, Keating says. She suggests approaching the recipient of the abuse first.

"Smile and try to defuse the situation, or direct conversation toward the elderly person. Make the elderly person. … A person," she says.

"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem," Gelles says. "If you walk away from social injustice, you become part of the social injustice."

I'm bringin' nursing back!

Today felt SOOOOO long.
I got 100% on my patho quiz! That means I will have an A if I can make a 74 on the final, which should be pretty easy, so I am almost guaranteed an A.
I came home around 7 and hung out with Mirza for awhile. Now it is 1:35 and I should sleep. The weekend will be full of studying...oi.
I am thinking I will sleep in a little though because if I start too early then I burn out later and I feel guilty when it's evening time and I am not studying.
For my own self, tomorrow I will:
-Finish physical exam notecards so I have them for next week
-Order all my patho cards to coorelate for the 40 chapters, pick out the ones he chose.
-Organize a study plan for Fundamentals for the next 3 days by chapter and questions, etc.
-Take out chicken to defrost.
Weeeeee!

How it went

I just got back from presenting my case study. We were presenting from 9-2...felt like forever! It was cool though because our instructor bought us pizza, woo, she rocks. I got 100% on my case study. She wrote,""Excellent presentation --an under diagnosed and understood disease. Quiz was good interactive creative tool!! Thanks."

Glad that is over and done. Now I need to sit here for like a half hour and do nothing (lol), followed by extreme notecard making.

Case study boredom

The semester is coming to a close. I can't believe how quickly it went. It seems like just the other day I was posting about my acceptance into the program.
Currently I need to be finishing my case study for clinicals--it's on Ovarian cancer and I'm really not that interested in doing it at all. I want to STUDY, not do stupid projects. We have to give a 20-30 minute presentation on it, but that is definitely not going to happen. It is due tomorrow at 9am. I only have about 11 slides. I should really be working on it. Right now it is 11am; I want to have it done by, let's saaaaaaay: 3.
Edit: It is now 1:30 and I finished it!!!!:):) It totally sucks, but I don't care.
After that I need to make about 500 notecards for Patho.
Then I'll probably go over Mirza's to play the Wii, if my car starts okay. I really shouldn't go over his house because I have to study. ughhh, it's so hard to just NOT GO!!
This is what I have coming up:
-Tomorrow: Case Study
-Thursday: Patho quiz covering 8 chapters
-Monday: Fundamentals HESI EXAM (aaaaah!)<--need an 85 to get an A in Fundamentals, which means I can miss 8 out of 55!! -Thursday: Physical exam final <---need an 87 to get an A because it is worth 40% of my grade. Patho final THE END!! CHRISTMAS BREAK!! Cannot wait.
Wish me luck.

How it went

Just wanted to update about how my head-to-toe went. In the morning, I was SOO NERVOUS with stomach flips and heart palpitations. Mirza came over and we practiced twice before we finally left.
About 3 minutes into the exam, I consciously said to my self, "Hey, I'm not even nervous!?" It was weird--all my nervousness went away. I wasn't red and blotchy and my heart wasn't beating fast like I had anticipated. I think it is because my instructor is so awesome.
Anyway, the only things I forgot were CVA tenderness and aorta width, but I guess almost everyone left those out. Also, I think I left out the babinski reflex, but she thought I did it. Another funny thing is when I was examining the ear, I was about to move onto the mouth area and my instructor, without even looking up, quietly and calmly handed me the tuning fork. I was like "ooooh yes, now I will do the Rinne and Weber tests!" ahhaha.

Head-to-Toe

Well, tomorrow is the "big day"--my full head-to-toe motor exam. It has to be done in a half hour. I practiced on Mirza last night and I did it in 27 minutes. However, I really want to practice it one more time tonight because I know it'll be a lot more scary when someone else is watching and grading and I might easily forget something under pressure. I'm feeling pretty good about it at this point though because when I practice, the most I ever miss is 1 or 2 and I realize it before the exam is done and I do it, so they can't take away points, except for not in logical order. We need an 85%.

This is the exam (I rewrote it so it was in "logical sequence"):
Head-to-Toe Motor Exam


Sitting

· Introduce yourself and explain exam.

-Ask them to remember 3 words: Apple, Book, Cat (Cognitive ability-memory (0.5))

-Inspect skin 0.5

-Palpate skin (turgor, texture, temperature) 0.5

-Hair—Inspect 0.5

-Nails- Inspect and palpate (clubbing, capillary refill) 1.0

-Observe facial features for symmetry 0.5

-Assess CN V—Trigeminal (Motor and Sensory) 1.0
Ask them to clench their teeth
Rub cotton on face for them to feel

-Assess CN VII –Facial (Motor only) 0.5
Ask to smile, frown, squeeze eyes, raise eyebrows)

-Palpate head and scalp, including sinuses and TMJ 2.0

-Palpate and auscultate temporal arteries. Inspect neck and neck veins. 2.0

-Palpate neck: 1.5
-Trachea
-Thyroid
-Lymph nodes (state which ones)

-Assess CN XI-Spinal Accessory 0.5
-Ask them to shrug their shoulders

Before each ROM say inspecting joints/muscles 1.0

-Neck 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension
-Lateral bending
-Rotation

-Neck Strength 2.0

-Shoulder 2.0
-Adduction
-Abduction
-Internal rotation
-External rotation

-Shoulder strength 2.0

-Elbow 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension
-Supination
-Pronation

-Elbow Strength 2.0
-Reflexes –Upper 2.5
-Biceps
-Triceps
-Brachioradialis

-Wrist 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension
-Ulnar deviation
-Radial deviation

-Hand strength 2.0

-Fingers 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension
-Adduction
-Abduction

-Inspection of eyebrows, eyelids, orbital area, eyelashes, lacrimal gland 2.5

-Palpation of orbital area (sclera, conjunctiva) 0.5

-Pupil condition and response to light and accommodation 1.0
CN III (Oculomotor), CN IV (Trochlear), and CN VI (Abducens)

-Direct and consensual response 0.5

-Extraocular movement (six cardinal fields) CN III, IV, VI 0.5

-Fields of peripheral vision CN II Optic 0.5

-Functional vision (Rosenbaum) CN II Optic 0.5

-Ophthalmoscope examination (red reflex using RRR, LLL) 2.0
-Proper use of instrument=1 point

-Inspection and palpation of the ear 1.0

-Otoscope: ear canal and tympanic membrane 2.0
-Proper use of instrument=1 point

-Functional hearing (whisper test) CN VIII Acoustic 0.5

-Assess Rinne (side of head) and Weber (top of head) 1.0

-Inspect external nose 0.5

-Inspect internal nares with otoscope (use diff. Speculum cover) 0.5

-Inspect lips, teeth, buccal mucosa, tongue, floor of mouth 2.5

-Inspect tongue for movement CN XII Hypoglossal 0.5

-Observe movements of soft palate CN IX Glossopharyngeal and X Vagus 0.5

-Inspect anterior, posterior, lateral, chest wall. 0.5

-Respiratory rate, rhythm, and effort (retractions, use of a accessory muscles) 0.5

-Palpate for chest wall (for tenderness, lesions) 0.5

-Thoracic expansion (anterior/posterior) 1.0

-Percussion (anterior, posterior, lateral) from apex to base (note resonance, hyper resonance, dullness 1.5

-Tactile (or voice) fremitus 0.5

-Auscultation of breath sounds from apex to bases (posterior, anterior, lateral) 1.5
Voice sounds: egophony, whispered pectoriloquy, bronchophony

-CVA tenderness (ie-hit kidneys) 0.5

-Inspection of precordium. Describe 6 areas of assessment (aortic, pulmonic, Erb’s point, Tricuspid, Mitral, Epigastric) 3.5

-Palpation of precordium for any heave, thrill, PMI, pulsations 0.5

-**Auscultation of heart in the 6 areas of assessment (sitting) 1.5

-Inspection, palpation, and auscultation of carotids 1.5

- **Location of palpable pulses (2.5)
-Radial
-Brachial

Laying Down

-Inspection of abdomen (supine position, pillow under head, arms at side, empty bladder 0.5

-**Auscultation of heart while laying down (1.5)

-Auscultation of all quadrants: 3.0
-Bowel sounds
-Aortic
-Iliac
-Femoral
-Renal arteries

-Percussion of abdomen in 4 quadrants 0.5

-Percussion of liver span at MCL 0.5

-Percussion of splenic dullness 0.5

-Light palpation of 4 quadrants 0.5

-Deep palpation of 4 quadrants 0.5

-Palpate aortic pulsation/width 1.0

-Palpate abdominal organs :liver, spleen, kidneys 1.5


-Hip: 3.0
-Internal rotation
-External rotation
-Flexion
-Extension
-Adduction
-Abduction

-Hip Strength 2.0

-Knee 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension

-Knee strength 2.0

-Popliteal pulse (2.5)

Sit back up

-Patellar reflex (2.0)

-Ankle 1.0
-Plantarflexion
-Dorsiflexion
-Ankle strength 2.0

-Foot 2.0
-Invert
-Evert
(of both subtalar joint and transverse tarsal joint)

-Achilles reflex (2.0)

-Babinski reflex

-Clonus

-Dorsalis pulse

-Posterior tibia pulse

-Ask them to repeat the 3 words from the beginning of the exam (0.5)

-Ask them: 1.0
-What would you do if your house was on fire? (judgement)
-What does it mean to say, “Don’t put eggs all in one basket”? (abstraction)

-Sensation 1.5
-Touch
-Pain
-Vibration
(lower and upper extremities)

-Discrimination 1.5
-Stereognosis (key in hand)
-Graphesthesia ( Draw 8 in hand)
-Proprioception (Done along with romberg)

-Coordination (finger to nose, nose to finger, alternating, rapid hand patting) 1.0

-Sitting balance (sternal nudge) 0.5

Standing up

-Vertebral column 2.0
-Flexion
-Extension
-Rotation
-Lateral bending

-Standing balance (Romberg sign) 0.5

-Gait 2.0
-Regular
-Tandem
-Walk on heels
-Walk on toes

The end!!!

If I lay here

Last week I was so unproductive. It was my first week with no clinicals, so I had Tuesday and Wednesday off to *cough* study, but I had a real cough and a tickle in my throat, so I pretty much just sat around and watched tv, I can't even lie! It was okay. I was feeling a bit depressed for awhile, but now I am feeling more positive again. Still, I haven't been getting much productive studying in because of the excitement of holidays coming, but today is a new day! I have today off, so my plan is to knock out two chapters of Fundamentals for hardcore studying. Tomorrow the lab is open from 8-12 to practice head to toe, so I will do that and then study the other two chapters of Fund. because our last test (minus the HESI) is on Monday. It rocks that it only covers 4 chapters, but I also have my head-to-toe next Wednesday and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT!!!! It is so much to remember and we have to do it all in a half hour.
Over Christmas break we have to do almost this entire Drug calculation book, which we will be tested on when we return from our "break." I guess they will have this thing called Med Pour in the lab, which is like a huge test. Every semester from here on out, we will have a drug calculations test and we have to pass with a 95%, but we get 4 chances, so I am not scared. The cool thing is that I already finished the first 6 chapters of the book because I thought questions from it would be on this test, but I guess not. woohoo for being ahead!

Things I am currently shitting my pants over:
-Head-to-Toe exam
-Fundamentals exam
-HESI-Fundamentals...how the HELL do we study for this?!
-Money

Goals for today:
-Activity/sleep ch. 36--KNOW accomplishment! I needed something to keep me focused, but I didn't want to do notecards, so instead I made a chart with two columns and wrote questions and answers for the chapter--108 to be exact.
-Wound care ch. 47--KNOW
-Review for Patho
-Begin notecards for physical exam/assessment
-Look over stuff for HESI?

Two Group photos of our team, which will probably be deleted soon after I post this...
*deleted*

LAST TIME WAKING UP AT 4AM UNTIL 2007!!!!!! WOOOHOO!!

Last clinical day

Tomorrow is my LAST clinical day!
I got my nurse preceptor a little hallmark ornament of a set of scrubs wearing a stethoscope, along with a nice thank you card. I also got a thank you card for the nurse I had last week because I feel like she taught me a lot.
Finally, I bought a box of Whitman's sampler for the entire floor. I hope that isn't tacky, but I figure they eat enough donuts, cookies, and cupcakes as it is. Time for some chocolates!
I feel uneasy about tomorrow though because I have to do TWO Soapies! argh.
Gotta remind myself to bring my camera so we can take a group picture.

I got skillz....

That is me at Daytona.

woohoo, so today I inserted a foley into a female!!!!
I had practiced in the lab on dummies, but never on a real human. Well, today I GOT THE CHANCE!
My nurse donned sterile gloves as well though and helped with holding the labia back, but I did everything else--it rocked.
Oh, and she said I did a really good job, which was awesome to hear.

Semester 2 schedule

Well, here is the tentative schedule for Semester 2:

Monday
Med Surg 1: 8:00-9:20
Med Surg Advantage 1: 1:00-2:50
MS1 lab: 3:30-5:20

Tuesday
MS 1 clinical: 7:00-3:00

Wednesday
Psych nursing 1 clinical: 7:00-2:00

Thursday
Pharmacology: 12:00-2:50

Friday
MS 1: 8:00-9:20
Psych nursing 1: 1:00-3:50

17 credits.

Took Fund exam 3 yesterday: 90%, but still waiting on the results because if 75% or more got a question incorrect then it is thrown out *crosses fingers*
Also, I had a patho quiz, which I didn't do so great on: 22/25=88%. This will hopefully be my drop quiz:(

Happy Halloween!

the "convention"

Well, since I am just sitting here while time flies by, not studying..I have decided to write about my experience in Daytona.
For the most part, it was okay/fun, really. The condo was gorgeous, the beach was beautiful (the gulf is still 423423 times better though), and the weather was nice for the most part, except when we woke up and it was 47 degrees!
The reason I took off time from school was mainly to GO TO THE CONVENTION. I am a geek and I was actually excited about the focus sessions and talking with other nursing students and even nurses. What can I say? I'm a big, fat nerd. However, NO ONE else shared this sentiment. There were so many focus sessions I would have loved to attend, but we only ended up going to TWO!! It would have been three had one of them not been cancelled the first day. We attended Physical Exam/Assessment tips and "Pharmacology made INSANELY easy," which is just fine and dandy, except that I'm not even in pharm yet, so it was kind of useless to me.
I would have loved to attend "Studying and Test Taking strategies," but it was cancelled. No one wanted to go earlier with me the next day when it repeated.
"7 Tips for Highly Effective Nurses?" YES! I thought that would have been interesting...apparently I was the only one.
Also, I thought it would have been neat to see how the HOUSE OF DELEGATES worked, but no--once again, I was the only one.
NURSE JEOPARDY? The geek in me would have loved to do this. In fact, the 3rd semester students needed more students. I said, Hey, I'll do it, but none of the people in my group wanted to stay and even WATCH. THEY COULDN'T EVEN STAY AND WATCH ME EMBARASS MYSELF? So, I didn't.
Gosh, I sound like such a push-over, but I'm really not. I almost went by myself at one point to "Volunteering during a disaster, why and how," but then everyone was going out to lunch, and since my friend was helping me with expenses for the entire trip, I did not want to starve.

Another thing that was stupid--we were on Daytona beach and the majority of the time--they sat in the hotel watching E! True Hollywood Stories....WHAT? We're in Daytona, it is beautiful outside, and we never get a break. TV will always be there, but this will not. I layed out by the pool instead. They said it was too cold to lay out, but my friend and I were like PFT, NO. It was warm in the sun and I have a very odd sunburn to prove it.

And finally, Thursday night they decided to go to a club called "Razzles." *blank stare*
1. I don't drink
2. I don't dance
3. I've been around enough drunken people dancing in my life (ie-crazy family members every holiday)

NOOOOOOO.
I got all dressed up (overstatement) to go, I was dreading it, but I had two other girls with me who do not drink and who do not dance, so I was like..oook, let's go. I backed out last minute. I just felt too stupid. I know, someone will say--you should have just went, could have made fun of the drunk people, would have been a new experience, etc etc. But seriously, that is just NOT ME. It is not my scene and I don't feel like I should do something just because everyone else is doing it.
So while I was left alone in the beautiful condo, I called Mirza, ate mint chocolate chip ice cream, and I got naked in the jacuzzi. I had fun anyway.
TURNS OUT, I am even more glad I did not go because the stories I heard from everyone that involve making out with strangers, strangers touching you, etc--GLAD that I preserved the images of my classmates as I know them now. Besides of course seeing them drunk at the condo.

It was fun...there were laughs and hot tubs and pools, but seriously? Meh. I would have thoroughly enjoyed the trip if I were with Mirza.

Okay, I will say THIS--it was a much needed break, especially considering the day after our Thanksgiving "break" we have a test. It was a lot of fun visiting a new place and seeing new things. I have some pictures, but I am scared to post them.

I hope no one finds this and hates me, haha.

DAYTONA!!!

I'm leaving in about 2 hours for the Florida Nursing Student Association Convention!!!
I have been all up the east coast of America, but somehow missed the east cost of Florida--it'll be a first.
We're staying here: http://www.oceanwalk.com/

Everything is packed, including my notes and Fundamentals book, although I don't know how much time study-wise I'll get in! Oh well, I need a break. And as an American, I defnitely do not get enough of them.
Pictures hopefully to come!

Disappointment set in when I opened my blinds this morning to find no sun. However, now that I've been sitting here with the window open, the grey skies and cool breeze is kind of welcomed. I can hear the same person playing saxaphone across the campus as I do for hours everyday and it smells crisp outside. Generally, I do not look forward to winter and cold weather, but for some reason I am excited this year. I don't know what it is.
All I know is that despite all of this drama going on with my life currently, I still have probably one of the best lives around. Mirza is the greatest, most supportive boyfriend in the world. And I get to go to school and study something I love. Also, I love watching this squirrel outside my window. We've developed a relationship since I moved in late August. He jumps from limb to limb and I just watch...I hope he doesn't go away once it gets colder. It will be nice to see my apartment decorated for Christmas.

I'll give you an update!!

Okay, let's see....I'm drawing a blank.
Let's not discuss family life because it is nuts, embarassing, digusting, and stressful on every level.

Nursing school recap:
Fundamentals: Exam 3 on Monday Oct 30
Pathophysiology: Quiz covering 6 chapters (heart) Monday Oct 30
Physical Exam and Assessment: Exam 2 Thursday Nov 3rd.

THIS WEEK:
Monday: Fundamentals and patho
Tuesday: LEAVE FOR DAYTONA--FLORIDA NURSING SCHOOL CONVENTION.
Wed: FNSA CONVENTION
Thurs: Same
Fri: Morning-same, leave. Study.
Sat: Study until dead
Sun: Study until dead
Monday: DIE

Ah yes

Ooooh today was definitely...interesting.

I chose my patient to do my PAT on.
She was 25 years old, 31 weeks pregnant, a heroin and crack addict and she smoked a pack a day. ALSO, she was a prostitute.
Last time she did heroin was last week...and she periodically took cigarette breaks...all while pregnant.

But the BEST part was when she was vomitting during my assessment!!! She said, "I need a bucket~!" and I frantically looked around for one and gave her the garbage instead (with the red bags) and then she threw up all over, but I couldn't leave the room immediately like I WANTED TO because I was in a gown and gloves since she was on contact precautions for MRSA and she was Hep. C positive, SOOOOO I had to de-gown and de-glove and wash my hands all while listening to her vomit forever.....FUN TIMES.
I said WELL, thanks, I think I got enough info!!!
But she goes, "Well I feel a lot better now! we don't have to stop." No, really. WE DO.
Before this, she even fell asleep during my interview.

Things are looking better!!

This past week I did not get in a lot of useful studying. I read, yes, but studying? Not so much. It wasn't from pure laziness though. I found homes for almost all of our 5 cats. Two friends of mine from clinicals took two (one of them is mine, who he is holding until I can move out after next semester and into my own apt, as opposed to a dorm), my dear friend Megan took Cinders, my brother took Sable, and my mom's friend took Sadie.
Truly, this week has been stressful. My mother left yesterday--she left everything behind except for a few necessities. Besides that, the apartment was left full of our things and it was disgustingly dirty. My step dad has been taking care of it. I am so glad my mom is gone. Now, the only stress I want in my life should be related to school and money. It is kind of sad when those are WELCOMED now considering the stresses I COULD be facing.

Onto school, last Wednesday I did Hospice. I basically went with a nurse to two patients homes, then she bought me lunch, and then I sat alone in a really boring meeting for 2 hours. It was not the most fufilling or fun experience, but I also had a lot on my mind.
My Fundamentals exam 2 grade is now a 93% (A!!!).
Next week=FNSA CONVENTION IN DAYTONA!! YAY!!! FUN.
As far as this week goes? I am almost finished with reading for Fund. since the test for that is the Monday after convention. This week I have a patho quiz on Thurs. We have one almost every week, so it's not a big deal.
So far, my grades look like this:
Fundamentals: 95%
Pathophysiology: 96%
Physical Exam/Assessment: 100%
Clinicals/Lab: Satisfactory (we only get S or U).

Perhaps I will begin taking more pictures like I once did, especially for convention. Look for those maybe.

school and life

I have survived Fundamentals Exam #2. I made an 86%. Trust me, this is GOOD. More than half the class failed last time (I made an 80, but a 92 with the curve), so a B is definitely great in my eyes. Also, she will be throwing out some crappy questions, so my grade will go up once again. It just sucks because she refuses to give any sort of study guide, yet it covers 13 chapters (and we go over like 5 chapters in class). She says they used to give study guides, but they can't anymore because then students did not do so well on the Fundamentals HESI at the end of the semester because they only focused on the study guides when you need to know...everything in the book.
Also, today I had a Patho quiz, which covered neurology. It consisted of 40 questions covering 5 chapters. I miss 3, which is a 92 (B...missed an A by one point). Patho is a fun class and it is not difficult because he helps narrow down the information for us a lot. Also, we can drop one quiz and get up to 20 points extra credit for being "victims" in the disaster training thing-a-ma-bobber.
Besides the constant studying, my life is pretty much turning upside down. My mother is an alcoholic and my step father finally left because he can not deal with her constant threats of suicide and refusal to get a job for over a year. Now, he is gone and my mother is left with nothing, so she is moving to Massachusetts and giving away all of our 5 cats (who I love more than life) and pretty much abandoning me in Florida. So, I won't have a family anymore and it's going to suck. Not that it is much of a family anyway, but at least there was the facade. Also, she has MY cat who cannot live with me since I am in dorm, so now she is taking her up north. I am very depressed.

I cannot be in contact with her though unless she gets sober, which she will not. She is going to die.
Supposedly she is leaving on Friday. First, she was going to drive (pft), but then she cried like a baby up north, so her brother is sending her money for a ticket. She is the most selfish woman ever. Now I have to go home sometime this week in between classes and clinicals and pick up my things like my computer, television, mountains of books, and some clothes. I am really really dreading going and saying goodbye to my cat or possibly not even seeing the other cats because she might have gotten rid of them already. I don't know how she can do this. She is ruining my life. I love my cats so much, how can she just give them away?!! They are like her children. I know she is going to regret this and hate herself. I dont know what she thinks she is going to find in Massachusetts--she is going to be a drunk either way. ughh. All week I have been repressing this because I needed to study for my exams. She called me on Friday in the middle of my studying and that really pissed me off and I got super angry at her. HOW CAN SHE DO THIS?

tuesdays=anxious

I don't know why, but every Tuesday I feel like I cannot fully relax. I think it has to do with the fact that it is my one day off, so I feel so much pressure to use my study time wisely, yet I have SO MUCH TO STUDY that it feels overwhelming. That, and I have clinicals in the morning, which means I wake up at 4:10am, so I feel anxious wondering if I will get enough sleep. At least last Tues. I went to bed at like 7pm, but I don't know. Also, I don't know why I get nervous before clinicals because nothing bad has ever happened, it has always been a good experience, yet I still feel nervous the day before.
One thing I am super worried about right now is money. I am suppoed to get monthly checks from the VA and now it is Oct 3rd and my check hasn't come. They are always screwing something up it seems. I hope my mom calls me today and says it came.
ALSO, Oct 25-27 is the Florida Nursing Student Association convention in Daytona, which 12 of us are going to--I am excited, BUT then I realized the Monday after that is our 3rd Fundamentals exam and a Patho quiz,ugh. I don't know when I will study!!
That, and I am stressed about not seeing Mirza as often as I would like. I really miss him.

ps: in case anyone ever wondered who the hell I was: http://www.myspace.com/moonischasingme1